Family exercise challenge: Family Fitness Challenge: Tips and Ideas
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Posted by Laura Jackson
Resolving to be healthier is a common goal for families, but it’s not always easy to get started. Use these tips to plan a successful family fitness challenge that will pay off for months and years to come.
Getting Started
Get Moving
Coordinate a 5K training group with a sign up. SAMPLE
Eat for Success
Get your neighborhood involved in the fitness challenge with a sign up.
Make Healthy Lifestyle Choices
Register participants for a 5K with a sign up. SAMPLE
Don’t Stop When the Challenge Ends
Working together as a family to achieve a common goal can become so much more than the initial fitness challenge — it presents an excellent opportunity to build strong bonds and lifelong healthy habits.
Laura Jackson is a freelance writer based in Hilton Head, S.C., with her husband and two teenagers.
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This is such a great tool! Evite is well-known and great, but if you need to coordinate responses as well as volunteers and potluck items. Jen Niemo — Concord, CA
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For families, the prizes may be individual like a trip to the spa for mom or an outdoor play set for the kids, but also consider group options like a family trip to an amusement park.
As you begin your program, save those rigorous, more time-consuming activities for the weekend.
Genius Tip: Use these ideas to organize a 5K or fun run.
If you’re rushing to take the kids to school in the morning, put together healthy options the night before. Use these tips to establish a good morning routine.
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SAMPLE
Pick the habits most likely to improve your quality of life that you learned from the fitness challenge and keep them going.
.. this is the thing!!! What an awesome service you are providing. I’m in the process of planning a potentially large open-house party to celebrate life with a very sick friend in our neighborhood…. Evite could in no way handle what I needed. I’m so grateful to find your service. After only a couple hours of the sign up going live, I was already so relieved I used it!Resources / Home & Family
Resolving to be healthier is a common goal for families, but it’s not always easy to get started. Use these tips to plan a successful family fitness challenge that will pay off for months and years to come.
Getting Started
- Plan a Kickoff Event — Whether you’re organizing for your community or your own family, build shared enthusiasm from the start. Providing opportunities for group members to give input will ensure all participants feel invested in the program.
- Set Inspiring and Achievable Goals — They need not be the same for everyone. Goals can be as simple as increasing the number of days of physical activity each week or eating out less often or as specific as reaching a daily number of steps.
- Track Progress — Plan how participants log number of activities, minutes of exercise, steps taken, new nutrition goals or whatever parameters your challenge focuses on. There are also many online trackers available that challenges can recommend, but depending on the ages involved and family dynamics, sometimes the old-school star chart still works wonders.
- Provide Incentives — Look for the right motivators for successes based on the ages and goals of participants. If you’re organizing for a group, give small prizes to individuals or families who meet goals during certain markers. For families, the prizes may be individual like a trip to the spa for mom or an outdoor play set for the kids, but also consider group options like a family trip to an amusement park.
- Keep the Momentum Going — Recognize efforts as well as results with the power of positive reinforcement. Never miss an opportunity to praise a child making a healthy choice. Consider smaller rewards at check-ins along the way to larger goals.
Get Moving
- Add Activity a Little at a Time — Even something as small as adding 15-minute intervals of activity throughout the week — like an easy after-dinner bike ride or a quick backyard game — makes a difference.
- Set Your Family Up for Success from the Start — Remember that the events you plan during the week have to be short enough (a quick walk after dinner) and accessible enough (dance party in the living room) to actually happen. As you begin your program, save those rigorous, more time-consuming activities for the weekend.
- Plan for Variety — Each week choose a different family member who must plan one family fitness activity of their choice. Whether it’s a fun Frisbee game, a nature hike, a two-on-two basketball challenge or rollerblading, everyone gets a chance to participate in a personal favorite.
- Just Play — From chase and hide-and-go-seek to freeze tag and beyond, don’t forget the fun of games that get everyone moving.
- Create a Backyard Obstacle Course — It’s a great way to ensure a readily available, fast fitness option for crazy busy weeknights — plus family members can challenge each other in timed races. Think hula hoops, jump ropes, cones, basketballs, monkey bars and all the creative combination stations your space will allow.
- Train for a Common Goal — Your family might decide to work toward a particular event such as a 5K walk, run or other fitness charity event. Genius Tip: Use these ideas to organize a 5K or fun run.
- Discover New Entertainment — Find all of the options in your area for physical family fun such as ice skating, laser tag, paint ball, climbing walls, inflatable bounce equipment centers, ropes courses and more.
- Complete Active Housework — Turn up the music while you make the most of the chores that have to be completed anyway. Using time challenges can increase the speed and physical workout with some activities such as picking up the toys before the end of a song or vacuuming the living room within two songs.
- Rotate Equipment — Purchase a few inexpensive fitness items such as resistance bands, stability balls, hand weights and jump ropes to be rotated around the house each day. For example, if you find the jump rope in your room that day, it’s your turn to complete 25 jumps.
- Take a Class Together — Sign up for a family yoga, martial arts or Zumba class and share some quality fitness time together.
Whether it’s a fun Frisbee game, a nature hike, a two-on-two basketball challenge or rollerblading, everyone gets a chance to participate in a personal favorite.
Coordinate a 5K training group with a sign up. SAMPLE
Eat for Success
- Plan Ahead — Most of us know what happens to meals in a rush, it’s typically the quick, non-healthy option. Make sure you have fresh food on hand and ready to go. Take an hour during the weekend to compile a meal plan and another hour to go to the grocery store or order online.
- Snack Better — Though snacking often gets a bad rep, the right kind of snacking can prevent bad choices because you’ve simply let yourself get too hungry. Eating healthy, high protein snacks makes a big difference in sustaining energy levels until the next meal. Plus, snacking can keep blood sugar levels stable to avoid the highs and lows that happen when you go too long without replenishing. Genius Tip: Browse these 50 yummy snack ideas.
- Start with a Healthy Breakfast — Teach good habits early and model the importance of breakfast by making sure everyone participates. If you’re rushing to take the kids to school in the morning, put together healthy options the night before. Use these tips to establish a good morning routine.
- Learn About Nutrition Together — Helping your family understand the reasons behind making healthy food choices can result in smarter behaviors. A chocolate chip cookie has how many grams of sugar?!
- Pack School Lunches — Although some schools have made great strides in offering healthier school lunches, many can still be far too processed and sugar-loaded. (Plus, you never can predict what your child will actually pick out in the cafeteria.) Make sure you’re fueling your kid’s growing brain by packing enough high protein, nutritious options to keep them going throughout their day.
- Slow Down at the Table — Research shows that it takes 20 minutes for the brain to tell the body you are full, and eating slower is so much better for your digestive system.
- Leave Serving Dishes Off the Table — It’s far too easy to have a second or third scoop when it’s right in front of you. And there’s nothing wrong with having to get up to get seconds.
- Get the Family in the Kitchen — Kids are often more excited and open to trying new healthy foods when they’ve been involved in the preparation process. Look for age-appropriate kitchen tasks and start healthy habits early.
- Keep Healthy Snacks in the Car — Dried fruits, nuts and other non-perishable and sealed healthy snacks can be a great way to avoid fast, unhealthy food substitutions when schedules get delayed and the hungry, cranky factor tries to take over.
- Understand Healthy Balance — Promoting healthy nutrition doesn’t mean the occasional dessert splurge should be forbidden. Teaching moderation is the more valuable lesson.
Make sure you have fresh food on hand and ready to go. Take an hour during the weekend to compile a meal plan and another hour to go to the grocery store or order online.
A chocolate chip cookie has how many grams of sugar?!
Look for age-appropriate kitchen tasks and start healthy habits early.
Get your neighborhood involved in the fitness challenge with a sign up. SAMPLE
Make Healthy Lifestyle Choices
- Drink More Water — Studies show that proper hydration supports our immune function, regulates digestion and even boosts brain performance.
- Get Enough Sleep — Far too many Americans are overwhelmingly sleep-deprived, which affects every aspect of health. Make a commitment to getting to bed earlier to boost your body and brain health.
- Take Breaks from Technology — Know when your family needs a digital detox. Learning to unplug more has become vital to healthier living. Make children earn screen time by getting active first. (That goes for parents, too!)
- Listen to Your Heart — Understanding cardiovascular health is important at every age. If it’s been a while, make sure to schedule an annual screening. While you’re at it, set up annual appointments for your family for the whole year.
- Manage Stress — Planning additional physical activities during times of extra stress can help. Learn to listen to family members shared as well as unspoken clues.
- Breathe Deeply — Research shows that taking the time for some deep breaths during the day has been known to drop cortisol levels, decrease your heart rate, lower your blood pressure and reduce stress, all leading to improved health and energy.
- Get Outside More — Sunlight on the skin begins a process that leads to the creation and activation of vitamin D, helping to fight everything from osteoporosis and cancer to depression and heart attacks. Light is also known to elevate people’s moods.
- Tune in to the Health Benefits of Music — Researchers at the University of Maryland found that when people listened to music that made them feel good, they demonstrated increased blood flow, good for the health of your heart and blood vessels, not to mention its potential as an uplifting motivator.
- Encourage Laughter — Clinical research shows that laughter can lower levels of stress hormones, strengthen your immune system and release feel-good endorphins that are natural painkillers, just to name a few. It’s also known to be one of the most effective ways to bond with your family.
- Empower Your Family Through Education — Help your family make informed, healthy decisions by finding the best resources from community-based and national organizations, parks and recreation departments and school systems.
Make a commitment to getting to bed earlier to boost your body and brain health.
Register participants for a 5K with a sign up. SAMPLE
Don’t Stop When the Challenge Ends
- Decide What Worked — Sit down as a family and ask everyone what their favorite activity during the challenge was. Evaluate how you did on your goals? Did you exercise more? Eat out less?
- Create a Plan — It can take anywhere from a few weeks to a couple of months to form healthy habits, according to research. Pick the habits most likely to improve your quality of life that you learned from the fitness challenge and keep them going.
- Set One More Big Goal — Whether it’s committing to running a 5K together or go on a hike once a month as a family, give everyone something to look forward to.
Working together as a family to achieve a common goal can become so much more than the initial fitness challenge — it presents an excellent opportunity to build strong bonds and lifelong healthy habits.
Laura Jackson is a freelance writer based in Hilton Head, S.C., with her husband and two teenagers.
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How to Start a Family Fitness Challenge
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Starting a family fitness challenge is a great way to keep kids engaged and excited.
Sydney Bueckert
Fitness Trainer
CES, FNS, GPTS, NASM-CPT
5 min read
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Sydney Bueckert
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CES, FNS, GPTS, NASM-CPT
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Keeping the whole family fit and healthy is more important now than ever before. Starting a family fitness challenge is a great way to keep kids engaged and excited to practice healthy habits that will stick with them for life! Get fit as a family with these fun fitness challenge ideas.
Why Start a Family Fitness Challenge?
According to the American Heart Association kids aged 6-17 need at least 60 minutes of physical activity a day, and adults are recommended to get at least 30 minutes of physical activity daily(1).
Starting a fitness or wellness challenge with your kids is a fun way to spend more time together and bond while building a healthier lifestyle for you can all hold each other accountable for.
Something important to remember when engaging in fitness with your children is to encourage them to find their own interests and support them. It’s easy to get caught up in a certain sport you think your kid should participate in, or a certain way they should work out.
Enjoyment is a crucial factor in any fitness journey, but for children as it can affect their mindset towards fitness and wellness for life. Let your kid take the reins (within reason) and watch as they learn to love fitness.
Family Fitness Challenge Ideas
There are all kinds of different challenges you could do with your kids, so first things first is to decide which health principle you’d like to frame your challenge around.
It could be increasing physical activity, eating healthier foods, or a wide variety of wellness practices from engaging in more self-care to limiting screen time.
Start small and focus on one healthy habit at a time. These challenges are meant to be fun — not overwhelming — and too much too soon can be stressful both for you and your kids. Pick something you think your kids will respond well to and go with it! Remember you can always add on other activities or challenges later to add more healthy habits into your routine.
1. Physical Activity Challenge
There are no limits when it comes to physical fitness challenges you can do with your kids. Get prepared to think creatively, or even get your kids involved in the process by taking a vote for the best ideas!
You might aim to increase physical activity in general or have a more specific goal. For those who prefer a bit more structure, consider tackling an event together, like training for a 5K run or walk.
This will not only be a great way to get some physical activity in each night, but fun time spent together!
Consider challenging your family to a strength challenge, such as doing more pushups, or doing this 30-Day Ab Challenge. Or, think out of the box and do something a little more fun, like playing a sport together in the park, dancing, hiking, biking, or even taking a fitness class together.
For those simply looking to get their kids moving throughout the day, this 10-Minute Recess Workout Series is great for getting kids interested and excited about fitness! These workouts are perfect for school-aged kids and will provide a great bodyweight workout. Just press play for fun sessions designed to keep your kids moving or join in on the fun!
10-Minute Recess Workout Series for Kids
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2. Healthy Eating Challenge
Teaching your kids to make healthier food choices when they’re younger will help them understand how to make healthier choices on their own.
Kids love playing chef! A fun idea to get your kids eating healthier is to cook at home together a few nights a week instead of eating out. Cooking together is a fun way to spend time as a family after a long day and break up the mundane throughout the week; as well as teach your kids some valuable kitchen skills. Plus, finding healthy recipes both you and your kids enjoy will help you eat healthier too!
3.
Wellness Challenge
Wellness is just as important as physical fitness and healthy eating, and it’s incredibly valuable to teach your kids the importance of self-care and balance in their regular routine. Make a challenge to address wellness and mental health needs together!
Select something that sounds enjoyable (or beneficial) for everyone. A positive wellness challenge may look like creating space for 30 minutes a day of quiet time devoted to reading, drawing, writing, puzzling, painting, etc. just for pleasure. Engaging in individual activities for no reason other than pleasure can help us to reduce stress and enjoy each day in a unique way.
Does your family struggle with screen time? A different way to challenge your family to improve wellness is to decrease screen time! This will come as a challenge to many kids or families who rely on heavily on-screen time throughout the week, but you’d be amazed how your kids can have fun and stay engaged in other activities that aren’t just on a screen.
Aim to fill screen time with more creative activities like baking cookies, arts and crafts, or going for a walk around the neighborhood.
Tracking Your Progress
Decide together how you’ll plan to track your progress. If you have a set system in place, it will help everyone feel more accountable and really stick to it. You may choose to use charts with stickers for younger kids, journals for older kids, or simply check in at the dinner table on everyone’s daily progress.
Once you’ve set your challenge, don’t stop there! Keep the momentum going by challenging your family to focus on a new health or fitness goal each month or keep building on your current challenge by setting the bar a little higher the next month.
Finally, remember to celebrate your effort as a family. Encouraging your family as they take on new healthy habits is incredibly rewarding! But sometimes your expectations or their expectations may not be met, and that’s okay.
Continue to lift each other up.
Focusing on effort rather than achievement can help everyone to remain feeling positive and successful throughout the challenge. And of course, when progress and accomplishments (however big or small) do come along the way, celebrate those too!
(1) “American Heart Association Recommendations for Physical Activity in Adults and Kids” American Heart Association, 2018, https://www.heart.org/en/healthy-living/fitness/fitness-basics/aha-recs-for-physical-activity-in-adults. Accessed 31 March, 2021.
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Maddy Smith
Thanks for sharing info with us.Starting a family fitness challenge is an excellent way to promote health and wellness within your household. Not only does it encourage everyone to be more physically active. It is really very beneficial and useful for me.
I appreciate your time and efforts that you spend in writing this article. Keep up writing this type of informative article in the future also.
7 exercises to improve family life
Ekaterina Ushakhina
The family is a microuniverse in which each of the members is constantly growing and learning something new. You want to protect the people with whom you live from everything bad, from betrayal and bitterness, from losses and hardships. I want to surround them with tenderness and care, give them hope, be a source of inspiration for them.
The Book of Small Victories contains tips and exercises that will help strengthen relationships and create a warm atmosphere in the family. We share some of them.
Neighbor effect
The family hearth is built from bricks, but to a much greater extent from emotions. American psychologist, professor at Rutgers University Maurice Elias conducts seminars on organizing life together. In his opinion, family well-being largely depends on the ability to self-control.
In confirmation, he proposes to conduct an experiment.
Imagine that a quarrel broke out in the family. Shouts, complaints, reproaches — all hurl thunder and lightning. And suddenly the doorbell rings: a neighbor has come. They let him in, and the whole family calms down at once and switches to the guest. Nothing is a pity for him: they seat him on the sofa and offer him a drink, collect scattered things, put things in order, communicate nicely, including with each other.
The neighbor leaves. Further, events can unfold according to two scenarios: either the quarrel will continue, or everyone will calmly go about their business. Maurice Elias asks: «Why do we need a neighbor to activate the self-control that each of us has?»
Adults, continues the psychologist, need to learn to control themselves, using their emotional intelligence without the influence of external factors.
Professor Elias recommends the Neighbor Intervention experiment.
This exercise is very simple.
Try all day to behave with the rest of the family as if there is a neighbor in the house. Can you not say words that will make you blush in front of a stranger? Many admit that this is given to them with difficulty.
Therefore, the psychologist advises to perform the exercise systematically: “Speak to your family in a respectful tone. Avoid petty reproaches and hurtful words. If everyone behaves like this at least once a week, in 52 sessions a year it will be possible to achieve a stable emotional balance in family relationships.
And then everyone can say: “I know that my parents (or husband, wife) really love me. They prove it to me all the time, and not just when a neighbor comes to visit.” This is exactly what is needed to maintain a healthy emotional atmosphere in the family.
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Circles of optimism
If you live with other people, you need to look at things positively, because the joy of life is transmitted to others. And this is necessary in order for coexistence to be pleasant and exciting.
Optimism is important for every person, although some consider this quality a sign of naivety and irresponsibility. Now we will train optimistic perception.
Divide a piece of paper into three columns. In the first, write down a pleasant memory. In the second — the name of a dear person. The third column is reserved for the desire that you would like to fulfill in the near future.
Choose three colors and have each represent one item on the list: a memory, a loved one, a wish.
Cut out several circles of matching colors from colored paper. These circles can be decorated if desired. Post them in conspicuous places.
Let at least one colored circle appear in your field of vision every moment: it will evoke warm feelings, evoke memories, remind you of dear people, desires, plans. Your mind will gradually get used to positive emotions and an optimistic view of the world.
Illustration here and below from the book «The Book of Small Victories»
Family Traditions
In order for a family to develop a special, close atmosphere that gives strength and self-confidence, traditions are needed.
It can be something quite simple — for example, pizza on Friday evening or choral singing at the New Year’s table. Rituals bring family members closer and promote family well-being.
Make a list of your family’s traditions.
The joy of listening to each other
Attentive listening is a kind of active listening, in which we give the interlocutor the opportunity to speak out without interrupting him and without evaluating his words. Use this method intentionally. Give your loved one a little time every week so that he understands that he is always ready to listen.
Choose a quiet time and place and make sure that no one disturbs you. Sit comfortably opposite each other, relax. Decide who will start and start the timer.
— The first one speaks for ten minutes, saying whatever he wants: scattered thoughts, hopes for the future, dreams, thoughts about an unfinished quarrel. If the first one finishes ahead of time, enjoy the joint silence.
— While the first one is speaking, the second listens attentively, without interrupting.
You can only show interest in a story non-verbally.
— After the timer signal, set it again for ten minutes and switch roles. Exercise can be performed outdoors, while walking. It calms and helps to pay attention to a loved one.
Diversify your relationships
According to a study of 1,700 long-term couples, young couples were happiest during the first two years of marriage. Then the ardor of feelings weakened. Why do feelings have maximum power at the beginning of a relationship? Because at this time we learn something new about a loved one: what he likes and what not, in what family he grew up and the like. The new is always better noticed and remembered by the brain. He likes variety, and he works actively.
However, it is impossible to live with very strong feelings all the time, because this wastes a lot of energy, which has to be taken away from other things. Subsequently, we really miss the strong feelings that we experience at the beginning of a relationship.
In order to restore passion to relationships, it is sometimes necessary to revive the feeling of novelty and surprise. It is not necessary to commit madness — it is enough to dilute the routine by adding variety to it.
You can do something interesting and exciting together for an hour and a half a week for ten weeks — and family life will get better. However, everything needs to be thought through carefully.
Psychologist Arthur Aron has experimentally proven that people who have been in a relationship for a long time are more pleased with joint active and unusual activities — for example, skiing, going to the dance floor, rather than pleasant, but routine ones, such as visiting friends or going to the movies.
Six Second Hugs
How do you feel when you get a massage or a comforting hug? Physical contact is one of the most expressive ways of expressing love and affection that we have at our disposal. From hugs, especially long and warm ones that last at least six seconds, hormones are produced in the body that improve mood.
This is how, in a short time, without words, you can express and perceive emotions, reduce stress, strengthen the immune system.
Find ways to show affection, such as kissing, rubbing noses, relaxing massages, cuddling, or any other way you like to express love and care.
A checklist that will help organize joint leisure →
The magic ratio
It takes only a quarter of an hour for American psychologist John Gottman to determine whether a married couple will divorce. The professor is right 94 percent of the time. Such accuracy of the forecast is ensured by the knowledge of the phenomenon of the magic number in relationships, which is expressed by the ratio of 1:5 in favor of positive communication.
In other words, if everything negative in the interaction (reproaches, anger, hostility, resentment) outweighs everything positive (mutual interest, care, tenderness), then the couple is on the verge of breaking up.
Write down positive and negative communication with your loved one over the past week.
And try to make sure that the positive is five times more negative.
Based on the book «The Book of Small Victories»
Article cover: pexels.com
An exercise that will save your family relationships. Couples exercise
Training for psycho-correction of family relations.
Lesson №1.
Purpose:
orientation of the system of psychological interactions to change interpersonal relationships in the family.
1. “Hello, can you imagine…!”
Purpose:
activation and rapprochement of the group, stress relief, increased self-confidence.
Procedure:
parents turn to each other in turn, finishing the phrase: “Hello, can you imagine …” — and begin to describe some kind of funny incident that happened to him and his child, or an unusual episode from family life.
2. “What kind of parent am I?”
Purpose:
self-reflection.
Procedure:
each participant must write down at least 30 characteristics — answers to the question: What kind of parent am I? Then the parents sit in a large circle and take turns speaking, commenting on their story about themselves and answering questions.
3. «The Guide and the Blind Man»
Purpose:
formation of social trust.
Procedure:
the group is distributed in pairs. In each pair, one of the partners takes on the role of the follower, and the other the leader. The follower blindfolds himself. After that, the leader, by collective efforts, quickly rearranges the chairs. The leader’s task is to acquaint his followers with the features of the modified space. The host must lead his wards along the most difficult route in the room. Then the participants switch roles, and everything repeats again.
4. «Association»
Purpose:
improvement of social adaptation, development of the ability to understand the emotional state of another.
Procedure:
parents sit in a chair so that everyone can see everyone else. After that, they begin to describe the state of each other, using various associations, involving artistic images, metaphors. The described participant can either agree with how he was described, or express disagreement, but in any case he must comment on what was said.
5. «Marriage Announcement»
Purpose:
development of the desire for self-improvement.
Procedure:
provide the text of the marriage announcement, in which you must first of all indicate your main advantages, as well as in a few words describe your ideal.
6. «Affectionate name»
Purpose:
reorganization of the arsenal of means of communication in the family.
Procedure:
parents sit in a circle and tell what affectionate names they call their child, their wife (husband). When? Why?
7. Homework
Purpose:
awareness of family problems.
Procedure:
write an essay on the topic «My family».
8. “Frankly…”
Purpose:
reaction of emotions.
Procedure:
Frankly …
Date of lesson ________________
My name is ______________________
2. I think the most effective …
4. I could not …
7. At the place of the host I …
Lesson No. 2.
Purpose:
destruction of intra-family stereotypes, creation of an atmosphere of well-being, provision of psychological support.
1. Compliment
Purpose:
formation of the ability to see the strengths, positive qualities of another person.
Procedure:
parents sit in a large circle, everyone should carefully look at the partner sitting on the left, and think about what character trait, what habit of this person he likes and what he wants to say about it, that is, to make a compliment.
Any member of the group who is ready to say nice words to his partner, sitting to his left, starts.
During the presentation, all other participants should listen carefully to the speaker.
2. «Angry»
Purpose:
reacting negative emotions, changing ideas about the child.
Methodology.
Moderator: “Sit back, relax, take 3-4 deep breaths and close your eyes. Imagine that you are at a small exhibition. It contains photographs of people with whom you are offended (including your child). Walk around the exhibition, try to remember some conflict situation related to this person, and it is better if this person is your child. Try to mentally see yourself in this situation. Imagine that you are expressing feelings to your child, with whom you are angry. Do not hold back your feelings, do not be shy in expressions, tell him whatever you want.
3. «I am through the eyes of the family.»
Purpose:
awareness of interpersonal relationships in the family.
Procedure:
the participant must imagine himself surrounded by people close to him and make assumptions: “The son considers me…”, “The husband (wife) thinks that I…”
4.
“Reflections”
Purpose:
expanding the knowledge of parents about the psychology of family relationships.
Procedure:
to reflect on the following Russian proverbs:
1. If a husband and wife are in harmony, then a treasure is not needed.
2. Know how to give birth to a child, know how to teach.
3. If you love your wife, love to feed your children.
4. The child does not cry — the mother does not understand.
5. Even though the child is crooked, the father-mother is nice.
6. Whatever the child amuses himself with, as long as he doesn’t cry.
7. As is the seed, so is the tribe.
5. Etude «Our conflicts with children»
Purpose:
changing parental attitudes and attitudes, teaching parents new forms of communication with the child.
Procedure:
reenactment of anonymous family conflicts between parents and children. The method of video correction is used.
The interaction between the parents and the child is recorded. The role of the child is played by the parent, after playing the video is watched and a group analysis is done and done.
6.
Commitment Contract
Purpose:
responding to emotions, increasing the parents’ confidence that
they can achieve positive changes in the child’s behavior and in
family relationships.
Procedure:
Date_________________________________________________ Location
Personal contract-obligation
I, __________________________________________________________, realize that:
I like my or and the following sensations consonant with the name of my
entities:
I like my real “I” and especially my following traits:
a)
b) ________________________________________________________________
As a man (woman) I am strong (strong) in the following:
a)_ ________________________________________________________________
b)_________________________________________________________________
c)_________________________________________________________________
I really want to grow and develop.
Here are the changes that have already
occurred in me and are my achievement:
a) _________________________________________________________________
b) _________________________________________________________________
c) _________________________________________________________________
These are very useful discoveries, and I want to move on to new things:
a) _________________________________________________________________
b) _________________________________________________________________
c) _________________________________________________________________
I am really capable of doing this. Therefore, I strive
for new changes in order to enrich my life and enjoy it.
Continuing to develop, I intend to:
a)_________________________________________________________________
b) _________________________________________________________________
c) _________________________________________________________________
I am glad to know that now I choose my own style
of life and this allows me to move towards the full realization of my
desires and rightfully take my rightful place in the world.
I also
admit that I can choose my friends, my own business, manage my own
time, I can be alone or with other people — as I want.
I love ____________________________________________________________
a person close to me, and I consider it my pleasant duty to tell him about
this now and in the future.
I love my children and I want them to know about it, so that they are
sure that I really accept and love them for who they are.
I love the following people:
a)_________________________________________________________________
b) _________________________________________________________________
c) _________________________________________________________________
They help me to live, and I intend to constantly express gratitude for their existence.
I love the following things:
a) _________________________________________________________________
b) _________________________________________________________________
c) _________________________________________________________________
And I intend to deal with them more fully and persistently.
Everything I have said about my abilities, goals, rights and obligations is true.
I undertake to do everything in my power to fulfill the terms of this contract.
I reserve the right to revise and change the wording of the statements set out above, improving the records, restating commitments.
Signed by myself today.
7. Homework
See the first lesson, exercise 7.
Parents read essays on the topic “My family”. At the second stage, discussion and analysis of essays is carried out.
8.
«To be honest…»
Purpose:
reaction of emotions.
Procedure:
you need to complete the sentences that are given, thereby expressing your attitude to what is happening.
Frankly…
Class date________________
My name is ____________________
1. During the class, I realized that…
2. I think the most effective is…
3. I couldn’t be more frank because…
4.
I didn’t succeed in the class…
5. Most of all I liked how I worked…
6. At the next lesson I would like to…
7. In the place of the leader, I…
Lesson №3.
Purpose:
create favorable conditions for working in a group, promote introspection of participants, reveal the qualities necessary for effective interpersonal relationships in the family.
1. «Internal state».
Purpose:
development of the ability to understand the emotional state of another person and adequately express one’s own, correction of the emotional sphere.
Procedure:
parents and teenagers stand in a circle. Each in turn makes a movement that reflects his inner state, and the rest of the participants repeat this movement 3-4 times, trying to feel into the state of the person, his. After completing the exercise, you can ask the group the question: “What do you think the state of each of us?”. After several hypotheses have been expressed regarding the state of one of the participants, one should turn to him in order to find out his actual state.
2. «Birthday».
Purpose:
creating a positive emotional background, increasing self-confidence.
Procedure:
Volunteer must imagine that today is his birthday. Members of the group gather to visit him. He hopes that each of them will bring some gift and good mood. The space of the group is transformed into the space of a room or apartment, at the door of which the birthday volunteer meets his guests. The condition for “entry” into this imaginary apartment is to say a congratulation to the birthday man and a motivated presentation of an imaginary gift to him.
3. “Introspection exercise”.
Purpose:
the discovery of one’s «I», the formation of the desire for self-improvement.
Procedure:
complete the sentence in a circle in a group of three:
— «I used to be…»
— «Actually I…»
— «Soon I will…»
4. «An extra chair.»
Purpose:
formation of group cohesion, stress relief.
Procedure:
game participants walk around the outer circle. One chair is missing. On the clap of the host, you need to have time to sit on a chair. Then, with each turn of the game, one chair is removed, but there are no retiring players, since you can sit on your knees, etc. At the end, there is a “heap of small” on one chair.
5. Guess.
Purpose:
development of the ability to understand the emotional state of another person and the ability to adequately express one’s own.
Procedure:
parents and adolescents receive cards on which certain emotional states are indicated and then depict these emotional states in turn. The remaining members of the group try to understand what state is depicted.
6. Proverbs.
Purpose: awareness and free acceptance of new ways of interaction.
Procedure:
group members are divided into two subgroups. Each subgroup is given time to prepare, during which it will have to choose a proverb and think about how to portray it.
It can be either a sculptural image or a non-verbal action. All members of the group must participate in the image. While the first subgroup shows what they have prepared, the second subgroup guesses which proverb is shown. Then the subgroups switch places.
Proverbs:
No matter what the child enjoys, if only he does not cry.
As is the seed, so is the tribe.
Whoever honors his parents never perishes.
The whole family is together, and the soul is in place.
What is the treasure when the family is in harmony.
7. Living cocoon.
Purpose:
development of social sensitivity, social trust.
Procedure:
The facilitator puts a volunteer in the middle of the group and says: “Close your eyes. Get ready for something extraordinary. Don’t be surprised at anything. Just be careful.» After that, at the command of the facilitator, the rest of the participants, if possible, silently approach the volunteer and, comfortably for him, put one palm on the body of the volunteer.
«What’s going on with you? What do you feel?» — the host asks after a pause.
8.
«To be honest…»
Purpose:
reaction of emotions.
Procedure:
you need to complete the sentences that are given, thereby expressing your attitude to what is happening.
To be frank…
Date of class________________
My name____________________
1. During the class, I realized that…
2. I think the most effective…
3. I couldn’t be more frank because…
4. I didn’t succeed in class…
5. What I liked the most was the way I worked…
6. In the next lesson, I would like to…
7. If I was the leader, I…
The main goal is to learn how to create an emotionally healthy, manipulation-free space in which you can exchange thoughts and feelings on an equal footing. This will harmonize relations within the couple and create a mechanism for conflict prevention. These exercises are suitable for both those whose problems in a couple are caused by small disagreements, and those whose problems are protracted and crisis in nature.
They will help the first to learn to better understand the partner and get closer to him, the second — to “let off steam” and gain time to work on relationships.
Exercise #1: Relieve stress
This is getting rid of negative emotions: anger, resentment, despair. They should not get stuck in us, destroying relationships from the inside. It is better to get rid of them with a regular pillow. Hit her with all your might, without stopping, scream, swear, let yourself experience pain and let her leave you. To relax as much as possible and not shock others, do it alone.
Exercise #2: Learning to respect other people’s boundaries
The most important thing in the exercise is to learn to find a balance and respect the wishes of a partner, because there are no people who are ideally suited to each other. Sooner or later, your interests will begin to contradict each other, claims will appear, this is normal. For example, a partner wants to meet friends, but this situation does not suit you.
If you start expressing claims to your partner, you get a negative response (anger, resentment, withdrawal), that is, an adequate human reaction to violation of boundaries.
If you know you have a tendency to provoke such conflicts, often imagine a situation where your partner forbids you to do something that you love and that concerns only you. For example: “Don’t you dare wear that red skirt again! I do not like it!» or «Don’t talk to this friend, I’m not happy with the way she affects you.» In this way, you will constantly put yourself in his place and learn to «keep the perimeter.»
An additional bonus for getting rid of unproductive negative emotions and resentment towards a partner — «mantra for the offended» from Osho
:
“I am such an important turkey that I cannot allow anyone to act according to my nature if I do not like it. I am such an important turkey that if someone said or acted differently than I expected, I will punish him with my offense.
Oh, let him see how important it is — my offense, let him receive it as a punishment for his «misconduct.» Because I’m a very, very important turkey.
I don’t value my life. I don’t appreciate her so much that I don’t feel sorry for wasting her precious time on resentment. I will give up a minute of joy, happiness, playfulness, I would rather give this minute to my resentment. And I don’t care that these frequent minutes turn into hours, hours into days, days into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years. I do not feel sorry for spending years of my life in resentment — because I do not value my life.
I am very vulnerable. I am so vulnerable that I am forced to protect my territory and respond with resentment to everyone who touched it. I’ll hang a sign on my forehead «Beware of the angry dog», and let someone try not to notice! I will surround my vulnerability with high walls, I don’t care that what is happening outside is not visible through them — but my vulnerability will be safe.
I will make an elephant out of a fly. I will take this half-dead fly of someone else’s blooper, I will react to it with my resentment. I will not write in my diary how beautiful the world is, I will write how meanly they treated me. I will not tell my friends how much I love them, I will devote half an evening to how much they offended me. I will have to pour so much of my own and other people’s strength into a fly so that it becomes an elephant. After all, it is easy to dismiss a fly or even not notice it, but an elephant is not. So I inflate the flies to the size of elephants.
I am a beggar. I am so poor that I cannot find in myself a drop of generosity — to forgive, a drop of self-irony — to laugh, a drop of generosity — not to notice, a drop of wisdom — not to be caught, a drop of love — to accept. I just don’t have those drops because I’m very, very limited and poor.»
Exercise number 3: remember why you fell in love
This is a wonderful exercise for that phase of a relationship when negativity and mutual claims so fill the space that you stop feeling love for each other.
You need to spend 10-15 minutes a day thinking about why you fell in love with your partner. To do this, you need to answer the questions “What do I like about this person?”, “What do our relationships give me?” and “What would my life look like if he wasn’t there?” Usually, the positive emotions that you experience when you think about the happy moments of your life together work to get closer to your partner, and the negative gradually disappears.
Exercise No. 4: learning to speak about feelings correctly
Too many couples make the mistake of talking about their feelings out of resentment, anger, and revenge using the unproductive and offensive «you» message. These are phrases like “you piss me off”, “you are irresponsible”, “you constantly disappear somewhere”, “you do not help”. “You-message” is absolutely unproductive, because it only has an accusing function, shifting the responsibility for our emotions to a partner.
In order to convey to a person your desires and feelings and at the same time not to let him immediately go into defense, you need to use the “I-statement”.
It gives the partner a signal that you are not attacking, but broadcasting your vision of the situation to him: “I want you to know how I feel and what is important to me, I do not demand anything from you, neither change nor go forward.” For example, if you are offended by someone’s behavior, you can say: “When you go away for more than 2 hours with your friends, I feel abandoned, lonely, sad and scared. It seems to me that you are not interested in me and that you do not want to spend time with me.
Such a position will help to achieve mutual understanding much faster.
About the author
Psychologist-sexologist of the training center «SEX.RF», author of the online training «Management of emotions, or how to stop scandal».
Each union is individual and unlike any other. What for one couple is joy, for another will only cause irritation, for the third — fear. And there can be no universal «formula of love.» Each couple must find it for themselves. With common effort.
How can you improve your relationship with your loved one?
What are the criteria for determining the success of a relationship in marriage? There are only two of them — inner satisfaction and the duration of the union. And they do not depend on the strength of the initial feeling, all lovers dream of «great and bright love», but on several important factors:
-
degrees of initial match of partners; -
desire to negotiate; -
ability to negotiate.
Absolute coincidence can only be between clones of one person, and a man and a woman are initially different, if only because he is a man and she is a woman. Unfortunately, the more discrepancies, both fundamental (religion) and everyday (she loves silence, he needs the TV to work in the background), the faster the «love boat will break.»
But in any, even the most difficult case, it is worth calling on the ability to negotiate to help. And then partners with less initial coincidence, but ready to adapt to each other, can build a more successful union than couples that coincide more, but do not strive for understanding.
We offer you psychotherapeutic games that will help you get to know each other better and tune in: feel, negotiate, adjust. These exercises can be done not only by lovers, spouses, but also by friends, colleagues, relatives.
Blind guide.
Used in various areas of psychotherapy.
Preparation.
Distribute the roles between you: N1 and N2. Partner N1 closes his eyes and makes his hand like a ladle, he will be «blind». And N2 — «guide», puts the index finger in the center of his palm.
Instructions
. Point contact complicates the task. The task of the Guide is to lead the Blind Man (the exercise can be done indoors or in the park), take care of him, pleasantly surprise him by offering different speeds and turns. The task of the Blind is to completely trust and follow the partner. It is impossible to speak, the only point of bodily contact is the palm and finger. Try to feel the bodily signals coming from your partner.
Allow 10-15 minutes for this interaction.
Analysis.
After the game, discuss your experience. Tell your partner honestly what you liked about the interaction and what you didn’t. If you like the role of the Guide more, then you strive to be a leader in relationships, to control. On the one hand, you know how to take responsibility, on the other hand, you prefer to play by your own rules. But behind strong control is distrust of the partner and insecurity, which is alarming.
Preference for the role of the Blind indicates a desire to avoid responsibility, passivity, up to the infantile position of the Victim. The good thing is that you can trust.
Playing a musical instrument.
Preparation.
You will need a music recording to which you will move for approximately 5-7 minutes.
Manual.
One of the partners gets up with his eyes closed, the second one starts to play it like a musical instrument. Naturally, all actions are symbolic — you can stroke your partner, pat, touch him without causing discomfort.
Interaction takes place without words and preliminary agreements, impromptu is important. The task of the Musician is to feel the desires of the Instrument, to help it open up and “sound” as much as possible. The task of the Tool is to trust a partner, to feel positive emotions, to indicate one’s desires or discomfort without words. Then switch roles.
Analysis.
During the game, attunement occurs, the level of trust and empathy increases, the desire for total control decreases. When you have completed the exercise, talk about what was pleasant and what was not. Did the Musician guess the desires of the Instrument, did he care about him? Could the Instrument communicate its desires, did it trust the Musician? What can be done to make the experience more enjoyable and varied?
If the «music of good relations» arises, both roles must be enjoyable. If someone likes to be only an Instrument, then he obviously prefers to receive rather than give in relationships, to be passive, not accepting responsibility.
The preference for the role of the Musician speaks of excessive control, hyper-responsibility, distrust of the partner. Therefore, it is useful to be in both roles.
Dialogue of the palms.
From body-oriented psychotherapy.
Preparation.
You will need 20-30 minutes of free time.
Analysis.
Alas, relationships are often built on mutual projections, illusory expectations, self-deception and involuntary deception of a partner. This is a shaky foundation, and the relationships built on it soon crumble. «Dialogue of the palms» allows you to take off your mask and see your partner without a mask, makes the contact deep, authentic. This exercise is great not only at the dating stage, but also for partners who know each other well.
The world in which I would like to live.
From art therapy.
Preparation.
Get some A3 paper or A3 paper, a stack of picture magazines, scissors, and glue.
Manual.
Do not discuss the collage idea ahead of time, and remain silent throughout the interaction. You can communicate, but without words. So, you need to jointly create a collage called «The world in which I would like to live.» Most likely, you will need half an hour, but you can create applications and more time — until each of the partners feels that the collage is complete.
Analysis.
Discuss frankly at the end of the exercise: Have you ever had any conflicts? How did you solve them? Were your partner’s opinions respected? Have you sacrificed your interests to the detriment of yourself? Were they able to negotiate, to compromise? Was there a leader, did it suit both? Were the ideas and needs of everyone realized, or was someone disadvantaged? Do both of them like the resulting collage? If you don’t like it, why didn’t you defend your interests? Have you shifted the responsibility to your partner? What did you like about the interaction, what didn’t you like? Do your views on the “ideal world” coincide, what is the difference, is it surmountable?
The way you behaved during the exercise symbolically reflects your relationship and life strategy of interaction.
I’m with me — I’m with you.
From body-oriented psychotherapy.
Many relationship problems come from either focusing too much on the partner and losing ourselves, or becoming self-centered and isolating from the partner. The last exercise helps to diagnose a tendency to a particular position and find a balance.
Preparation.
Agree that you will do the exercise in silence, and discuss your impressions later.
Manual.
Stand with your partner back to back, touch the bodies so that both are comfortable. The exercise will consist of 3 parts, each lasting 3-5 minutes.
— Focus exclusively on your partner, try to feel in what state he is, what is happening to him. To do this, you can touch more tightly. Forget about yourself, feel your partner, take care of him.
— Now, without interrupting bodily contact, you transfer attention exclusively to yourself. Think only about your own good in this contact.
— And, finally, you simultaneously feel both yourself and your partner.
