Hard being a mom quotes: Being a Mom is Hard Quotes

Being a Mom is Hard Quotes

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Being a mom is hard. It’s one of the most important and challenging jobs in the world, and it’s also one of the most rewarding. But it’s not easy. In fact, it can be downright tough at times.

That’s why so many moms turn to quotes for inspiration and support. Here are some of our favorite quotes about motherhood.

“I think being a mom is the hardest job in the world. I don’t know how women do it without going crazy.” – Britney Spears

“Motherhood is wonderful, but it’s also hard work. It’s the logistics more than anything. You discover you have reserves of energy you didn’t know you had.” – Deborah Mailman

“There’s no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.” – Jill Churchill

“It’s not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.” – Dorothy from The Golden Girls

“Motherhood is the greatest thing and the hardest thing. ” – Ricki Lake

“If you try your best to be the best parent you can be, you will have done all that a human being can do and all that God expects you to do.” – Jeffrey R. Holland

“Being a mom is the most rewarding job in the world because every day I get to influence my children’s lives. What an honor! It doesn’t mean that being their mother will be easy all of the time though!” – Beyonce

“Some days she has no idea how she’ll do it. But every single day, it gets done.” – unknown

“I know it’s hard Mama. I know it can be hard to get up every day and have these little people rely on you. I know it’s hard to feel like sometimes your world is so small. I want to remind you that you are the world. You are the world that those little ones revolve around. You are their nurture, their home, and their comfort. You are everything to them, and I hope even on your hard days you know how special you are. Especially to your little people.” – unknown

“Motherhood is difficult and rewarding. ” – Gloria Estefan

“Being a mom is extremely hard, probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But, I would rather be a mom and struggle than not be a mom at all.” – unknown

“The fastest way to break the cycle of perfectionism and become a fearless mother is to give up the idea of doing it perfectly – indeed to embrace uncertainty and imperfection.” – Arianna Huffington

“I am not perfect. I have flaws just like everyone else! And that’s okay because being a mother isn’t easy!” – Kim Kardashian West

“People don’t really talk honestly about how difficult being a mom actually is and what things we sacrifice every day in order to be good moms.” – Jenni Ogden

“Successful mothers are not the ones that have never struggled. They are the ones that never give up, despite the struggles.” – Sharon Jaynes

“There will be so many times you feel like you’ve failed, but in the eyes, heart, and mind of your child, you are super mom.” – Stephanie Precourt

“Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had & dealing with fears you never knew existed. ” – Linda Wooten

“Motherhood has taught me that being a woman isn’t all about being perfect, having it all together, and being able to do everything. Being a mom reminds me that I am human.” – Toni Hammer

“Being a mother is an honor for all of us–even when it is hard and exhausting!” – Elizabeth Gilbert

“Being a mom is the hardest thing you can ever embark on. Thankfully, in the end, you know it is always worth the struggle.” – unknown

“Motherhood is tough. If you just want a wonderful little creature to love, you can get a puppy.” – Barbara Walters

“Being a mother is being willing to die for someone else…It’s being strong when you are weak, and brave when you are scared. It is being an example when you know nothing worth teaching, giving hope in hopeless times and love beyond all reason.” – unknown

“Don’t beat yourself up when being a mom doesn’t come easily. It happens but we must keep pushing forward. Never let our past determine our future!” – Serena Williams

“Being a mom isn’t easy…But being able to look at your kids and say, ‘I did that! I made them!’ is pretty freaking amazing. ” – Alyssa Milano

“Whenever you’re feeling hopeless, hug your child. It’s amazing how they remind us our life is always full of love.” – unknown

“When you’re in the thick of raising your kids by yourself, you tend to keep a running list of everything you think you’re doing wrong. I recommend taking a lot of family pictures as evidence to the contrary.” – Connie Schultz

“I think being a mom is the hardest job in the world. It doesn’t have to be easy but when you love someone that much and they depend on you for absolutely everything then nothing else matters!” – Jennifer Nettles

“Being a mom isn’t easy. It’s the toughest job you’ll ever love.” – unknown

“Motherhood is not for the faint-hearted. Frogs, skinned knees, and the insults of teenage girls are not meant for the wimpy.” – Danielle Steel

“Motherhood is amazing. And then it is really hard. And then it is incredible. And then it is everything in between. So, hold onto the good, breathe through the bad, and welcome the wildest and most wonderful ride of your life. ” – unknown

“[Motherhood is] the biggest gamble in the world. It is the glorious life force. It’s huge and scary—it’s an act of infinite optimism.” – Gilda Radner

“The hardest part of being a mom? Letting go…of your babies so someone else can raise them right before they get hurt by life, but also letting go of yourself and giving up things like sleep to make sure they have everything in this world that makes them happy too!” – Kelly Clarkson

“I know being a mom isn’t always easy… but I’m sure glad we’re in this together!” – Kendra Wilkinson

“The joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction.” – M. Russell Ballard

“You will never be fully prepared for being a mom. It is just something that you have to do and figure out as you go along.” – Kim Kardashian West

“Even on days you feel like you are failing, look around. Your child’s smile will bring you right back up. ” – unknown

“Being a mother has been the most challenging and the most rewarding position I will ever hold.” – Cathy Shaffer

“There are hard days in motherhood. But looking at your baby sleeping reminds you why it’s all worth it.” – Kara Ferwerda

“Being a mother isn’t easy. And being able to admit your weakness as a parent is one of the most important things you’ll ever do for your child.” – Katrina Alcorn

“Being a mom has made me so tired. And so happy.” – Tina Fey

“To all mothers in every circumstance, including those who struggle, I say, ‘Be peaceful. Believe in God and yourself. You are doing better than you think you are.’” – Jeffrey R. Holland

“Having kids—the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings—is the biggest job anyone can embark on.” – Maria Shriver

“I’ve always tried to control everything and every aspect of my life, and this is maybe the biggest lesson I’ve learned with motherhood—you just can’t control everything, and I’m much more relaxed now about unexpected changes and things that happen. ” – Margherita Missoni

“Being a mom can be tough, but always remember in the eyes of your child, no one does it better than you.” – unknown

“You know when you have kids what will change? Everything. You. Your body, your sleep patterns, how you spend your time, where you go & what you do…but being a mom isn’t easy.” – Jennifer Nettles

“I think the hardest part about being a mother is just knowing that you’re never enough. No matter how many books you read, no matter how many toys your kids have or schedules they follow…you will never be able to do it all perfectly.” – Jessica Alba

“Motherhood is not always sunshine and rainbows. It’s about learning to let go…letting them make their mistakes so they can learn, being there to encourage and support them, but also knowing when it’s time for you to step back.” – Sarah Jakes Roberts

“Being a single parent is twice the work, twice the stress, and twice the tears but also twice the hugs, twice the love, and twice the pride. ” – unknown

“Being a single parent is not a life full of struggles, but a journey for the strong.” – Meg Lowrey

“If something goes wrong while being a mom don’t beat yourself up over it.  It’s not your fault and being a mom isn’t easy.” – Jennifer Garner

“The work of a mother is hard, too often unheralded work. Please know that it is worth it then, now, and forever.” – Jeffrey R. Holland

“Motherhood is a choice you make every day, to put someone else’s happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when you’re not sure what the right thing is—and to forgive yourself, over and over again, for doing everything wrong.” – Donna Ball

“When life gets hard, and you feel all alone, remember you mean the world to somebody, and that somebody calls you Mom.” – unknown

Do you love these quotes for moms?

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75+ being a mom isn’t easy quotes about the hardships of motherhood

Parenthood is an exciting journey, and most parents hope to raise their children into respectable adults. The role of parenting can be challenging, and being a mom is one of the toughest jobs out there. However, it is the most satisfying job, and a little encouragement can go a long way in making the experience successful. Discover the best encouragement being a mom isn’t easy quotes to ease the journey of motherhood.

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Source: UGC

Mothers are babies’ first human contact, and their relationship is like no other. Even though it is self-satisfying, it requires a lot of sacrifices. One way to ease the journey is to read quotes about being a mom.

Here are some being a mom isn’t easy quotes to motivate you through the hardships of motherhood.

Tough being a mom quotes

Being a mother can be challenging, but you are overjoyed when your children turn out okay. Below are amazing quotes about the challenges of motherhood.

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• Being a mother isn’t easy. And being able to admit your weakness as a parent is one of the most important things you’ll ever do for your child.
• There’s no way to be a perfect mother, and there are a million ways to be a good one.
• Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious.
• If you are not yelling most of the time at your kids, you must spend more time with them.
• Insanity is hereditary, and you get it from your children.
• Successful mothers are not the ones that never struggled. They are the ones that never give up, despite their struggles.
• A sweater is a garment worn by kids when the mother feels breezy.
• People don’t talk honestly about how difficult being a mom is and what things we sacrifice daily to be good moms.
• Being a mom is like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube blindfolded. It’s frustrating, but somehow you still manage to get it done.
• When being a parent becomes challenging, please don’t give up because so many rewards come with it. Love your children and do everything you can to guide them in the right direction.
• Being a mom is like being a detective. Trying to solve why your kid is crying, what they want, or where they put their shoes.
• Being a mom is being the bravest person you know. Be unapologetically who you are, even when it scares everyone around you.
• Being a mom isn’t easy. It’s the most challenging job you’ll ever love.

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Being a mom is hard quotes

Photo: pexels.com, @gretahoffman (modified by author)
Source: UGC

You have to be strong as mother even when things don’t look easy. Below are some being a mother is hard quotes that convey the hardship mothers face.

• You will never be fully prepared for being a mother. It is just something that you have to do and figure out as you go along.
• Having kids is like having homework daily for the rest of your life! It never ends; however, well, you do today!
• Motherhood is tough. If you just want a wonderful little creature to love, you can get a puppy. — Barbara Walters
• Motherhood is difficult and rewarding.
• The hardest part of being a mom? Letting go of your babies so someone else can raise them right before they get hurt by life.
• If something goes wrong while being a mom, don’t beat yourself up over it. It’s not your fault, and being a mom isn’t easy.
• There are hard days in motherhood, but looking at your baby sleeping reminds you why it’s all worth it.
• Motherhood is not easy; otherwise, if it were, fathers would do it.
• When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother must think twice, once for herself and once for her child.
• Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws.
• Motherhood is one of the toughest jobs out there and can leave you feeling like an overwhelmed, exhausted, and tired mom.

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75+ beautiful mom and son quotes about that unbreakable bond

The hardest part of being a mom quotes

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Source: UGC

The hardest part of being a mother is watching your kids go in the wrong direction or lack basic needs. These are the best quotes about the hardest part of being a mom.

• The sleepless nights, the endless laundry, and the relentless whining can all be worth it when you see your children happy and healthy.
• You know, when you have kids, what will change? Everything. You. Your body, your sleep patterns, how you spend your time, but being a mom isn’t easy.
• Being a mom is being brave, honest and true to yourself.
• Motherhood is not always sunshine and rainbows. It’s about learning to let go, letting them make their mistakes so they can learn.
• The work of a mother is hard, too often unheralded work. Please know that it is worth it then, now, and forever.
• Being a mom is the hardest thing you can ever embark on. Thankfully, in the end, you know it is always worth the struggle.
• Being a mom is like being a professional multitasker. You’re constantly switching between tasks. It’s never-ending, but somehow you manage to keep everything together.
• Being a mom can be challenging, but always remember, in your child’s eyes, no one does it better than you.
• Having kids and the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, and responsible human beings is the biggest job anyone can embark on.
• Don’t beat yourself up when being a mother doesn’t come easily. It happen to others, but we you keep pushing forward.

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Motherhood is hard quotes

Photo: pexels.com, @gretahoffman (modified by author)
Source: UGC

Motherhood is a job that has no pay, but the reward comes when the kids are all grown and turn out fine. Here are some inspiring quotes about the hardship of motherhood.

• Motherhood is wonderful, but it’s also hard work. It’s the logistics more than anything. You discover you have reserves of energy you didn’t know you had.
• Being a mother has been the most challenging and the most rewarding position you will ever hold.
• Motherhood is the greatest thing and the hardest thing.
• People don’t talk honestly about how difficult being a mom is and what things mothers sacrifice daily to be good moms.
• Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had & dealing with fears you never knew existed.
• Be peaceful to all mothers in every circumstance, including those who struggle. Believe in God and yourself. You are doing better than you think you are.
• Motherhood is not for the faint-hearted. Frogs, skinned knees, and the insults of teenage girls are not meant for the wimpy.
• If you try your best to be the best mom you can be, you will have done all that a human being can and all that God expects you to do.
• Even on days, you feel like you are failing, look around. Your child’s smile will bring you right back up.
• Being a mom is one of the most rewarding job in the world. What an honour! It doesn’t mean that being their mother will always be easy, though!
• Having children just puts the whole world into perspective. Everything else just disappears.
• A mom is a superhero, except you don’t get a cape or superpowers, just a lot of dirty laundry and sleepless nights.

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Quotes about motherhood being hard

Photo: pexels.com, @gabbyk (modified by author)
Source: UGC

You don’t have to give up when the going gets tough as a mom but just encourage yourself. Below is a list of quotes about the hardship of motherhood to encourage yourself and other mothers..

• The joy of motherhood comes in bits of moments. There will be tough and frustrating times. But amid the difficulties, there are happy moments of joy and satisfaction.
• Some days a mother has no idea how she’ll do it. But every single day, it gets done.
• Whenever you’re feeling hopeless, hug your child. It’s incredible how they remind you your life is always full of love.
• Being a mom is probably the most challenging thing you’ve ever done. But you would rather be a mom and struggle than not be a mom.
• The quickest way to break the cycle of being perfect and become a fearless mom is to give up the idea of doing it perfectly. Embrace uncertainty and imperfection. — Arianna Huffington
• There will be so many times you feel like you’ve failed, but in your child’s eyes, heart, and mind, you are a super mom.
• Being a mother is an honour for everyone, even when it is hard and exhausting.
• Motherhood is messy, challenging, crazy, sleepless and giving. And still unbelievably beautiful.
• You never know how much your parents loved you until you have a child to love.

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Inspirational tough motherhood quotes

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Source: UGC

Here are motivational quotations about the toughness of motherhood.

• You can be a mess and still be a good mom. You are allowed to be both.
• A mother’s love is unconditional and incomparable. It is a love that transcends all challenges and hardships.
• Strong mothers are the ones that never give up despite their struggles.
• A mother’s unending love is a force to be reckoned with. It can overcome any obstacle and conquer any challenge.
• Your greatest contribution to this world as a mother may not be something you give but someone you raise.
• A mother’s love is unconditional and immeasurable. It knows no bounds and never fades.
• Motherhood is a journey filled with ups and downs, but a mother’s love remains unwavering and strong.
• The love and sacrifice of a mother know no bounds. You are an inspiration to everyone.
• A mother’s affection is the most vital force in the world. You can lift us, even when we feel broken.
• It requires a brave girl to be a mother, a strong mother to raise a child and a special mother to love another little human more than herself.
• A mother’s love is like a beacon, shining bright in the darkest times and guiding us home.
• Take care of yourself as a mom. It is an essential part of taking care of your children.
• Being a mom means never having a minute to yourself but knowing that you wouldn’t want it any other way.
• The challenges of motherhood are what shape and strengthen you. Embrace them, and remember that you are not alone.
• A mother’s love is the fuel that drives a sane human being to do the impossible.
• You are doing an incredible job, even when it doesn’t feel like it. Keep going, mama.
• A mother’s strength, resilience, and unconditional love inspire us all. Keep going, mama. You are doing a fantastic job.
• Motherhood is a journey, not a destination. Take a step a day, and remember to take care of yourself.
• Motherhood is not a burden but a privilege and an honour.
• A mother’s love can overcome obstacles and bring hope and joy to even the darkest days.

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Funny quotes to lighten the mood for when the going gets tough

Everyone knows that being a mother is one of the hardest jobs in the world. Motherhood needs a lot of sacrifices, both physically and emotionally. However, being there for your kids makes it worth it. The above being a mom isn’t easy quotes will help ease the hardships of motherhood.

READ ALSO: 75+ loving brother quotes that describe the bond between you

Legit.ng recently published an article about loving brother quotes. Having a brother is one special relationship that is like no other. A brother is the next friend and protector after your parents.

A brother is a blessing, even more when he is loving. A loving brother brings joy, laughter, and great memories. Brothers offer support and advice through life, and quotes are a great way to express your love. Here are loving brother quotes to describe the bond between brothers and their siblings.

Source: Legit. ng

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Difficult choice of parents of children with disabilities — Charitable Foundation «Kindness»

Guilt, shame, despair, fear, aggression — these are feelings that parents of children with disabilities often experience. How to overcome them? How to stop fighting with the whole world for your child? How to find friends in the healthy world? How to find peace in your own soul and in the family? Tells Doctor of Psychology, Professor Victoria Tkacheva.

Do not rush to accuse your husband of being «disengaged», but try to understand how he feels

— It is known that serious problems are best solved together, with the whole family. But often the birth of a problem child becomes a reason for quarrels between his parents. Why?

— The sense of self of parents of children with disabilities is a very complex issue. The depressed inner state of parents is one of the main, if not the main problems that we face as psychologists. Imagine what it’s like to expect a baby for nine months, plan his future, think about how the baby will grow, what you will do for him, from small things to explaining how the world works … And then find out that the child was born «with features, not like everyone else. This is a very deep psycho-emotional stress.

Our research and the experience of foreign colleagues show that at the moment when parents learn about their child’s problems, they experience a blow comparable to the loss of a loved one. Often this stress turns into a depressive disorder. There may be persistent feelings of guilt, insecurity, self-doubt, a feeling of deepest grief.

But this is a common reaction inherent in both the mother and the father of the child. But there is a difference, and it is significant. The process of biological growth of the child’s body inside the mother’s body leads to the fact that the mother develops a mental neoplasm, called by experts the «motherhood complex». It is he who allows the mother to identify the child born as her own, to separate from the rest. The first thing a mother realizes is that this child is MINE! This is her main feeling.

The «motherhood complex» also helps a woman to accept a child, regardless of how he was born. But in the future, another problem may arise here: having accepted a child, a woman may not accept his features and the diagnoses associated with them. Psychologists often witness such an internal conflict that leads a woman to problems with self-esteem in the future. A woman realizes that a child is the best thing she has. And experts tell her that her “best” has “shortcomings”. Of course it hurts.

But a man, by nature, is not given the perception of a child “as his own” only by the fact of his birth. With the father, this conflict develops differently, because, from a psychological point of view, the man transfers to the woman the responsibility for the entire internal, hidden process of the development of the child from the moment of his conception. After all, a man is not directly involved in this development anyway. He expects to be. And what will be, he is already evaluating.

That is why accepting a sick child is much more difficult for a father than for a mother. The fact that for the mother is an irrefutable fact, for the father is a process, this is the path that he must go through. It is very important for a woman to understand this and not be offended by her husband because he feels everything is “different”.

To strengthen the relationship between a child and his father, a woman should involve her husband more often in the care and upbringing of the child, giving him various assignments. After all, the closer the heart is to the child, the less you notice his physical and mental shortcomings.

Do not classify yourself as a victim

— What should both father and mother do to protect themselves and their psyche as much as possible?

— First and foremost, you need to accept and realize the following fact: the value is that the child is! And the fact that he has features is the second question.

In no case should you let in the feeling that a child “with problems” is a payment for the so-called sins of the past, that you are punished by life for something. Don’t put yourself in the category of a victim. You are a person just like everyone else. And you have a child too. You need to get used to the thought: «this is my child and I do not impose it on anyone.»

My advice: accept your child as he is.
Try to build your relationship with your child on the basis of love and mutual trust. Your child at any age, whether he is a baby or already a teenager, is still your CHILD. He needs to be taken care of.
The fact that your child has developmental disabilities does not mean that you and he are unhappy. On the contrary, such children are sincere and unsophisticated. Their attitude towards people is imbued with cordiality, friendliness, sincerity, devotion and love.

Love your child. Do not reject him because of his physical or intellectual imperfection! Believe that after a while these shortcomings will cease to be significant for you. Think about the fact that this is your flesh and your «blood». And it will only become important to you that he is, that he loves you, and that he needs your warmth, affection and protection.

Yes, a child with special needs is a heavy burden. But this burden is one’s own, one’s own. Of course, raising him is hard work. But we cannot measure the work that other parents put into their healthy children.

Do not try to fight the world all the time, and you will see that it is not so hostile

— How to deal with others? How to stop noticing negative or evaluative views, and sometimes comments? How to respond to all this?

In situations where, for example, you catch an unpleasant look in a transport, or another mother separates her child from yours, you need to realize very clearly that these are not your problems. This is the mother’s problem.

For the vast majority of people, it is obvious that a person who behaves incorrectly or aggressively towards the weak has problems in understanding the values ​​of life. In general, society condemns such behavior. Sometimes open, sometimes hidden. For us in such situations, it is important to remember that the person looking askance at you, from the point of view of society, is in the minority. It is he! Not you and your child. And remember: the world is not so hostile if you do not fight it endlessly.

— And if an ill-mannered minority makes an angry comment out loud. Does it need to be answered?
— If aggressive or inappropriate phrases are heard aloud towards you or your child, and sometimes it comes to outright rudeness, in such cases I recommend all parents not to enter into conflict. You don’t need to explain or respond in any way. You need to smile and mentally, as it were, unite with the child. Hold it close to you and smile! This is necessary, first of all, for your child. And then the offender will certainly feel that he did something unworthy.

Others may react quite sharply to the offender’s unflattering statements, or, unfortunately, they may remain silent. But in any case, the mother herself must demonstrate dignified, restrained behavior, show a kind-hearted and merciful model of interaction with the world. First of all, to your child. So that he does not form the feeling that everyone around is an enemy.

— Many people understand this with their heads, but the soul hurts, and a person cannot react calmly. How to learn to cope with this inner pain, which is sometimes very difficult for parents not to show, not to broadcast to a child?

— Very often, the experience of pain manifests itself in the fact that a person seems to expect that they will look at him all the time, like a naked king. Or even attack. But believe me, this is exactly what you can and should work with. This state comes exclusively from within. There is no need to build a similar model of behavior in your mind.

You feel that tension is rising, that you have taken a defensive position — you immediately need to say inside yourself: “this is my child, I love him, and he loves me, he is amazing, and he and I have the right to be happy, I — the same mother as the others! No need to be afraid, no need to hide, to be ashamed of something. You need to get out of defense and live an ordinary human life, be interested in what other people are interested in, communicate with friends, look for new meetings, organize interaction with peers for your child, form his need for such contacts.

By changing your attitude towards others, you are slowly changing their attitude towards yourself. Sustained, humane, dignified and self-sufficient behavior never goes unnoticed by others. Respect is born for such a mother, such a family. And in this sense, mothers of children with special needs have a huge mission in life, in addition to raising their child, it is to form in the world of healthy people ideas about the life and problems of the world of people with special needs. This is a very important mission! Present yourself with dignity and then the attitude towards you and your child will change.

Do not be offended by other people’s children

— Many parents complain that a child cannot interact with peers even on the playground…
— First, you need to understand that this is typical of many healthy children. But if such a problem arises, then my first and main advice to mothers is: do not be offended by other people’s children. Do not look for the reason in them.

You should try to organize the interaction of your child with healthy children. Yes it is hard. Of course, you do not need to try to establish contact with everyone. It is more correct to find a child and a mother who are more loyal to you. And by their behavior show a desire to communicate, and not conflict moods.

And here you need to tame your pain, so to speak. Because without a healthy child, learning to play for a child with disabilities is very, very difficult. And this skill is essential. It is not necessary to see in the usual actions of a healthy child goals that are unrealistic for your child. Do not compare the abilities of children with each other. Compare your child’s achievements: what he could do before and what he can do now.

And all mothers, without exception, need to remember that healthy children need such communication no less. This is an important and integral part of growing up a person — to see and realize that the world is diverse, that each person has his own characteristics.

Now a form of inclusive education is actively developing all over the world — joint education of healthy children and children with special needs. For any child, this is a great experience. This is inner growth, this is the science of helping; it is, if you like, an inoculation of kindness, mercy. An invaluable experience that is hard to get anywhere else. Children begin to realize that friendship is a universal concept, regardless of whether your friend is in a wheelchair or not. Yes, in a wheelchair. So what?

How to find healthy friends

— I happened to hear about the following case: a blind boy was walking on the playground with his mother. Mom turned away, the children approached the baby and began to drive their hands in front of his face. How should his mother behave in this case? Do I need to explain something to these children? Or would it be better to remain silent?

— Mom’s behavior in this situation, most likely, should be such as to organize children’s communication. The actions of the guys who were aimed at studying whether her son sees or not, I would translate into a game.

For example, you can invite everyone to close their eyes and try to guess what the object is in their hands, or to find something by closing their eyes. At the same time, the blind boy must also participate in the game. And, of course, in this game, it is he who will win, because such people have especially developed sense of touch and hand sensitivity. Without words, everything will become clear to children — everyone has their own advantages. And you don’t have to say anything more.

— And the parents of these guys don’t have to say anything either?
— Explaining something to adults means reaching the level of very close personal contact. Does it make sense to explain to the parents of children who tested the boy for blindness? In my opinion, no. There is little that can be explained in a short conversation to a person who has already admitted such a flaw in the development of the personality of his child.

Another thing is if they are close acquaintances, if the families are friends. You need to explain to children: easy, calm, in the game. And a smart mother, seeing your actions from the outside, will understand that her child has a problem. And if he doesn’t understand and says: “Yes, he is blind!” — no need to answer. And you might think to yourself: “it’s a big question who is blind here.” After all, being blind not with your eyes, but with your heart is much sadder.

Why? change to «why?»

— Many parents say that they feel guilty, that they are tormented by the question: “Why am I doing this?” How to deal with it?
— Questions “why?”, “What am I guilty of?” it is necessary to refocus on the questions “for what?”, “why do I need this?”.

And I can answer these questions from the standpoint of personal experience. I myself have a problem child. And I think that such children are born so that a person knows the meaning of life, himself, so that he has the opportunity to improve. You see, it is possible to live without bringing any benefit, i.e. enjoy life. And how many similar examples we see around.

And our situation requires daily work: on ourselves, on our views, on our attitude towards both the child and the world.

But in no case should one become in opposition, exclude oneself from this world and take a child away from it. This is a colossal mistake.

Rejoice in the success of the child with him

— I often encountered the fact that parents of children with special needs, describing their condition, use the word “self-destruction”. When you yourself, without noticing it, start to “eat” yourself from within. How to protect yourself from such a state?
— The most effective practice to avoid feelings of self-destruction is the participation of the parent in overcoming the problems of the child. We must learn to share with the child the joy of his success. Let it be a modest step forward — and we immediately experience pleasure, no matter how hard it was before. There comes a feeling of a small victory and a feeling of “we achieved the result together”.

Therefore, when parents shift this work onto the shoulders of specialists or assistants, they automatically deprive themselves of this joy. Of course, the help of specialists, including psychological, is necessary, and we provide it. And parents who fix the feeling of self-destruction in themselves can and even should turn to a psychologist.

Do not look for someone to blame

— How can the next of kin participate in helping a special child: grandparents, godparents? How should they behave? What do you need to know?
— This is a separate, extensive topic and problem. Very often, after the birth of a child with special needs, relations deteriorate not only among spouses, but also among close relatives. What we constantly face is a situation when relatives begin to look for the cause of the baby’s illness. And not just the cause, but the guilty ones. Until the tenth generation, they begin to look for, look for, who was not there with such genes ?! And every time I think: well, well, well, you will find it — and then what? The child is here.

Let’s face it, this is a very stupid position. And it is built solely on pride. Let’s try to push all this husk aside, look at a small living person and realize that this is still your flesh, your blood. And what you give to this person: your views, your culture, your attitude to the world and love for him — can germinate in him, take root. Otherwise, all these blessings will go to the ground with you.

We really have a kind of pernicious tradition of endless mourning: «It happened to us — ah, ah!» This does nothing but disorientate the entire family. And ultimately, what does it lead to? To decay. The primary task of the next of kin, on the contrary, is to unite. In my practice, there are cases when a very difficult situation strengthened the family, and it was grandparents who set the example.

You have to make a choice: either live or suffer. Be happy or suffer. See these two paths in front of you. Understand that they are equally complex. But one day you have to choose one of them.

And yet, to live and be happy… no, it’s not easier, but it’s more promising than suffering all the time. Trust my experience. There is also the opposite effect here: you will consider yourself happy — and others will look at you the same way. And if otherwise, then those around you, albeit in a kind way, will still condescendingly look at you as a “failed person”.

Therefore, the more strength you find in yourself to go through life as an ordinary person, as it used to be, without focusing on what kind of child you have, the more happy you will feel.

Reach the bottom and rise

— We started the conversation with private internal problems of parents, and we come to the conclusion that by helping themselves, they help not only their child, but also change the attitude in society to this issue.

— Now many young mothers of children with developmental disabilities come to the university to receive a second higher education. We have such a tradition at our faculty (defectological faculty of Moscow State University named after M.A. Sholokhov, ed.), so almost 50% of the magistrate are mothers of children with special needs.

And it happens that they come to act prickly, like hedgehogs, with an insult to the whole world. And then gradually open up. You look, and she already looks different, thinks differently. And then, after graduation, these mothers go to work in our children’s institutions, help not only their own, but also other children and their parents.

For many, this is the way to go. And not some formal business there, but activity in an extremely necessary area. Indeed, in Russian society, since ancient times, helping the disadvantaged has been highly valued. Remember the holy Grand Duchess Elizabeth Feodorovna. No matter what anyone says, it’s in our genes. This value is primarily spiritual and cultural. It is connected with Russian history, with our traditions, with Christianity. And now these mothers become involved in this culture of mercy, which, if we remember, was inherent in the greatest women in Russian history.

— It turns out that seemingly unbearable problems, as a result, open the way to a unique life and spiritual experience.
— All talk about helping children, about raising children, sick or healthy — always leads us to the topic of love. Suddenly it turns out that your path is not just an endless struggle, it is a path that reveals the real meaning of life. At first, circumstances seem to throw you into a hole, into an abyss of despair; and this is experienced by all, without exception, parents of children with special needs. But those who gain strength, who manage to push off from this bottom, rise upwards. Of course, this is a huge responsibility. But it’s light!

Elena VESNINA

Source: miloserdie. ru

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Read online “#Happiness of motherhood. Survival guide for mom”, Adriana Imzh – Litres

© Demakova Yu., 2019

© Drobina P., 2019

© Imzh A., 2019

© LLC AST Publishing House, 2019

Julia Demakova

The birth of my son was a shock to me. I knew that it would be difficult and difficult, but I was sincerely sure that I couldn’t care less and that I could do it.

It turned out that not all of them. It turned out that I couldn’t. In the process, I broke down countless times and miraculously put myself back together. Many thanks to my friends who helped me in this exciting activity.

I started writing. I was very afraid to forget everything that happens to me. I was afraid of losing myself. My articles are in the book.

I needed somewhere to throw out everything that was going on in my life. This is how the public #happymotherhood appeared. As it turned out, the problem is too relevant for other mothers. There was simply no place to share safely, without judgment, anonymously all the pains and problems associated with children and motherhood! And now there are SIXTY THOUSAND PARTICIPANTS!

Motherhood was difficult and difficult for me. I want other mothers to have a better and easier life. We have the power to change this world. The first step to solving any problem is discussing it.

Silence will not protect us. We must be heard and heard!

For us. For our children. For other mothers.

Polina Drobina

I became a feminist with the birth of my youngest. Suddenly I realized that, despite the fact that I was a proper, good wife and loved my children, for some reason I constantly wanted to cover my head with a blanket and disappear. Imagine my surprise when I found out that such feelings and thoughts visit not only me. A huge number of women around experienced the same thing. Silently. I started asking uncomfortable questions out loud and that’s how I discovered feminism and the fight for women’s rights.

Since then I have been involved in feminist activism for five years. From 2014 to 2018, she administered large feminist communities for women with children «Mom knows everything» and #happiness of motherhood, founded her own — «Mom can».

Participated with a series of posters about motherhood in the exhibition «I-art, F-feminism» in Moscow in 2015, and in 2016 — in the Fem-weekend at the NCCA in Yekaterinburg with a workshop on organizing a safe space for women in social networks.

I regularly take part in pickets and street actions, standing up for women’s rights.

Since 2017, I have been constantly holding feminist events in Yekaterinburg.

This book is my voice, my truth and pain about motherhood. I bare my heart to support women who are silent. I am with you, relatives.

Adriana Imzh

In 2006 she graduated from the Faculty of Psychology of Moscow State University. Lomonosov, in 2007 she graduated from the Institute of Group and Family Psychotherapy, in 2014 she was certified as a Gestalt therapist according to the standards of the European Association (EAGT), in 2018 she was certified as a supervisor at the London Gestalt Center.

Lives in Israel, author of the books “Psychological Health of the Family”, “Love. Relationship. Psychotherapy” and “Education is not only control”, columnist for “Cosmopolitan”, “Lifehacker”, “Psychology”, “Afisha.Daily”, creator of the community “Psychological rehabilitation. Resource psychology” (more than 10,000 readers) and the charity project of psychological assistance “Adriatica”.

Acknowledgments

We are proud of what we have done ourselves and are eternally grateful to all the women who have worked with us on #happinessofmotherhood, this book and many other important social projects.

We did it together. Thank you.

Natalia Shilova, Polina Selivanova, Olga Novikova, Valeria, Ekaterina Lapshina, Alina Vinogradova, Maria Derbentseva — you are doing a tremendous job with the public.

Thanks to everyone who sent in their stories. Thanks to our followers and loved ones. We love you and appreciate your support.

Special thanks to the Lyalechka community on LiveJournal and Facebook and its creators Marina Kopylova and Natalia Gerbeda-Wilson, because your platinum slogan «Support or pass by», as well as the principles of mutual support from woman to woman on an equal footing, without judgment, we bear with ourselves and teach ecological communication to others.

Yulia Demakova and Polina Drobina

Thanks to my son Sasha. He divided my life into «before» and «after». I have become completely different and continue to change.

Thanks to my friends, strong and amazing women who supported me and dragged me up, often being exhausted themselves. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be writing this.

Thank you to the wonderful friends of Mom Knows Everything, thank you to the dear women of the nest.

Special thanks to Yulia Fedorova and Natalya Shilova.

Thank you to my mother, because she turned out such a cool daughter.

Thanks to all those who have been reading and supporting me over the years.

This is priceless. This helps me move on.

Thank you. I love.

Your Yulia Demakova

I thank my children — Kirill and Zoya. With you, my motherhood is not only #happiness, but also happiness. Thank you, my darlings.

I thank my girlfriends who pulled me through my depression. Natashon, Nastya and Masha — your support is invaluable.

Thanks to my teammates from Mom Knows Everything. You have become not just a team of admins, but my friends. Separately, I hug Natasha Lomaeva tightly.

Thanks to my husband Slava. You are always there and support me.

And thanks to my mom. For enduring, raising and suffering me. Thanks grandma.

Without all of you, there would be no me, the way I am. I keep you in my heart.

Polina Drobina

Introduction

M-motherhood

Motherhood is the social role of a woman, which involves the bearing, upbringing, maintenance and care of children. A role with very rigid limits and restrictions: physical (round-the-clock employment without breaks and days off), moral (requirement to comply with social values ​​and expectations), economic (low payments for pregnancy and childbirth, ridiculous child benefits).

This is the only socially approved role of a woman. However, a woman who becomes a mother is encouraged by society only for her decision to give birth. Further, severe sanctions await her for this choice. A huge proportion of discrimination against women is tied to childbearing and mother’s attachment to the child. Being a mother in modern society is very difficult. Women undergo humiliating procedures and face rude treatment in antenatal clinics and maternity hospitals.

Minimal government support (meager benefits, waiting lists for kindergartens) and problems with employment (frequent sick days, negligent attitude of employers) make the mother financially dependent on her partner. The work of mothers is constantly devalued — the decree is called «vacation», and among the people «sitting at home». The entire infrastructure is designed for childless people without health problems. Mothers find themselves in isolation, and they do not even have the right to talk about their problems, because in response they receive only accusations and condemnation.

Mothers are condemned not only by patriarchal people, but also by many feminists. Breastfeeding, childbirth, postpartum depression, lack of support are taboo topics. Society hides the downsides and risks by pushing women towards motherhood, and some feminists condemn women who have given birth for complicity with patriarchy and «adaptive choice.» A double trap is prepared for every mother.

But if things are so bad, why do women keep having babies? Because there are myths about motherhood. They promote a happy image that is actually far from reality. In this book, we want to destroy the most famous myths and show the truth without embellishment.

Polina Drobina

# Happiness of motherhood 24/7

My motherhood was not happy. It was bearable, unbearable, hellish. Anticipating indignation: yes, I have something good to remember, but the general leitmotif does not change from this.

I remember my son sleeping exclusively with my breast in his mouth for several months. I remember my cracked nipples and how I nursed him through tears for the first two weeks of his life. I remember how we went to the hospital with my postpartum complication. I remember how my son itched for three years. I remember his cries and tantrums about the fact that I do not let him comb everything into blood, and my emotions — impotence, despair. I remember his psychological constipation, which lasted more than two years. His wild cries, his tears, my tears, hands dropping. I remember how he scattered everything in the apartment — salt, sugar, vegetable oil, cereals — and how I cleaned it up.

I have been a mother for almost 7 years. And when I mentally return to the past, I’m scared and hurt. For a son. He didn’t deserve this. He is not guilty of anything. I hope he will forgive me.

Since his birth, my best friends have been a phone and a tablet. I tried desperately to rest, or at least catch my breath. It didn’t work out for me, there was no such possibility, so I saved myself in the only way available to me — I ran to the Internet.

For many women, motherhood means social isolation. Communication on the Internet helps a little bit to stay afloat. At the same time, the use by the mother of a phone, tablet, computer for more than half an hour a day is highly condemned. Why is she sitting there? She has a child! You can’t feed and sit on the phone — you need to focus on the child. You can’t be distracted by the phone while walking — this is bad. It is impossible for the child to play by himself, and at that time you read something. You have to take care of the child. Anytime and anywhere. Under any circumstances. You are a mother.

Mothers hate themselves because they spend too much time on gadgets. They don’t think about the reasons. They are simply told from all sides that it is impossible, that this is bad, without offering any help. Not unloading with a child. Not supporting. Not providing the opportunity to communicate with people in real life, not online. Just adding to everything else a sense of guilt for one more reason.

I go to bed late, well after midnight. Because a few hours after my son falls asleep is a hint of my personal time, which I basically don’t have.

I have no rest. No holidays. There are no breaks. Just #happymotherhood 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 4.5 weeks a month, 12 months a year.

Naturally, you might think that I am some kind of abnormal and, in general, the quintessence of monstrosity. But no. There are many such mothers. Mothers run to the Internet not from a good life. Motherhood has no support. And no one warns that everything will be SO.

I had an interesting survey. Out of thirty women, only one said that her grandmother told her from childhood how difficult it is to be a mother. Only one woman out of thirty!

Mothers are left alone with their problems. Someone is trying to understand what exactly they are doing wrong, someone is sincerely sure that they are mad with fat.

The truth is that motherhood is a very hard thankless job that is not appreciated by anyone. Mothers are not supported, they are not praised, they are only ridiculed and poked at what they did not do well enough.

Some absolutely wild stereotypes are strong in our stupid society. Starting with the fact that children are not a male concern, but exclusively a female one, including the fact that women are created for motherhood, and therefore from birth they know how to interact with children, ending with the fact that dads are very tired at work, and at home they should have a rest .

In reality, a negligible number of professions have so many difficulties and involve such employment as motherhood. At the same time, work brings income, satisfaction. If something does not suit you, you can quit and get a job somewhere else. It is not shameful to get tired of work and relieve stress in various ways. There is a lunch break at work. No one bothers to calmly go to the toilet. Drink tea, coffee with snacks. You can leave work early, take time off. There are paid sick days. Vacation. You can take time off. You see the results of your work. You can be proud of your professional achievements.

What about motherhood? They still give birth and raise children. There is nothing difficult in this. You can’t get tired of motherhood — it’s joy and happiness. In the end, you yourself decided to give birth, no one forced you. Your choice, pull the strap and don’t whine. And most importantly, smile. After all, a child needs a happy mother. For these small arms and legs, you can forgive everything. A toothless smile is enough to move mountains. Is there something wrong? Does not work? We need to try harder!

To be tired, to be angry, to break loose is shameful and disgraceful. As if mom is not a living person, but some kind of ideal superhuman from a spherical vacuum. Not only does she have to do everything herself — take care of the child, maintain the house — she also cannot react negatively to nitpicking. Fuck, radiate positive, otherwise you will scare the child with your hysteria.

In our society, depression is a whim. Especially postpartum depression. In addition to depression, there are a great many equally excellent diagnoses. Why are mothers tired? Hot water! Diapers! Multicookers! Vacuum cleaners! Robot vacuum cleaners!!! All conditions!!!

And, as it were, the fact remains behind the scenes that many mothers eat 1-2 times a day in the best scenario. Because they don’t make it. Taking a bath is a dream for many. Think about it. Just taking a bath is a dream beyond reality. A shower every few days for 2-3 minutes is a reality.

Lack of help from her husband and amazing claims on a variety of topics are also a reality.

— Something you started yourself.

— Why don’t you want sex?

— Why didn’t you cook something to eat?

– Why is there a mess at home?

— I worked, I was tired, I don’t want to and I won’t do anything.

— You’ve been sitting at home all day, why didn’t you do anything?

— You have become somewhat irritable and angry.

— Before, you were completely different.

— But N manages everything and is generally smart and beautiful, not like you.

– Are you doing nothing and getting tired?

— Do you want to rest? Ahaha, where did you manage to get tired? I’m tired, I’ll go to rest and have fun, but you don’t deserve it.

— I want sex and don’t want to hear anything.

Threats, physical violence, beatings, blackmail, abuse, sexual violence — this is the reality.

Still quite stable is the opinion: «I knew who gave birth.» And once she gave birth, then it’s not good to whine. Samadur’s fault.

In fact, no one can predict how a husband will change after the birth of a child. Metamorphoses can begin even during pregnancy. And they will not please many women. No one can predict how a man will change after the birth of a child.

Even if a miracle happens, and the husband is adequate and included in parenthood, and he does not start to break the tower from power over a woman on maternity leave with a child in her arms, life still will not be a fairy tale. Any action at any time will be interrupted: “Wa-wah”, “AAAAAA!!”, “Mom! Maaaaaaa! Mom-mom-mom!!! MOTHER!!!!». At any moment, especially at the most inopportune one, it will suddenly become clear that your child has a completely different vision of the situation. Other plans. For example, sleep. Or eat. Or poop — this, by the way, is a hit. Or start suffering loudly and yelling on any topic. Or get sick. This loosens the remnants of the nervous system.

Motherhood could be much more enjoyable. If only society was truly informed about how this all happens in reality. How unhappy mothers are, what we lack, what specific problems we have, what help and support we need, and so on and so forth.

But nobody needs it. Nobody is going to do this. Even some feminists believe that these problems do not exist. Why should society recognize the problem, think about how to solve it, spend time, effort, money on this? If you can pretend that everything is fine and continue to promote the rise of demographics.

Many women cannot get medical care just because they have no one to leave their children with. And it’s very scary. Because pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood do not rejuvenate and heal at all.

It’s scary how many mothers have suicidal thoughts. It’s scary that mothers catch themselves thinking that going out the window with their child is not such a wild idea. It’s scary how many women go from ideas to action. Such mothers are condemned, called monsters and wish them to burn in hell. And almost no one thinks about the reasons. Why, in fact, think about it?

Women suffer from the guilt of spending 24 hours a day with their children. Men in the best scenario play for an hour with a well-fed, clean, dry child and feel like the best fathers in the world.

Only women worry about how to combine work and motherhood, what schedule is right to pick up a child from kindergarten on time. Men do not have a headache on this topic. Mothers who pursue their careers, hobbies, and loved ones, placing the upbringing and nurturing of a common child on the shoulders of their father, are condemned. Fathers who raise children are ready to erect monuments and write laudatory odes.

No one thinks that in the overwhelming majority of heterosexual families it is men who live for their own pleasure, while women care about their lives and always think about children. In fact, many mothers dream of living like men. Work, relax, play sports, make dreams come true, devote a few hours a week to a child and pay child support. And in breaks, of course, miss the sweet baby.

Some women are lucky: they are released (think about the wording!) once a week or every few weeks for a few hours so that they can rest and unwind. And it is positioned as a great blessing.

Let’s count. A woman is busy with a child 24 hours a day. She does not belong to herself, she has problems with health and satisfaction of basic (!) needs. In the best scenario, once a week she is released for 2-3 hours. Multiply 24 hours by 7 days. It turns out 168 hours a week. Minus 2-3 hours of rest. 165-166 hours a week, the mother takes care of the child and housework. And these 2 hours out of 168 should pour new strength into her, open a second wind? However, these grains of «rest» are positioned as an unheard of favor. Many mothers themselves are perplexed: how is it, they are kind of “let go of the house”, they are resting, there is a change of scenery, but for some reason there is no strength anyway.

It seems that a woman is not a person. She should not have her own interests and desires. The child is above all. The husband has the power to pardon, let the wife and mother of a common child out of the house.

Moreover, men not only do not ask and do not beg for permission, like women, but they do not always put before the fact. Often it is already strongly after the fact that a very, very tired husband — after the mines, not otherwise — goes to relieve stress and relax. And the mother … And what about the mother? She has a child. SHE HAS.

The husband is very tired at work, unlike his wife. He is the «breadwinner» and «breadwinner». At the same time, a considerable number of mothers manage to work or earn extra money at home. With a child in her arms. To the detriment of your sleep. But this is also not taken seriously. Just think, sitting at home and finally starting to do something!

I’m really scared by the scale of it all. I’m sad that I can’t do anything about it.