Being a big brother: FAQs about being a Big — Big Brothers Big Sisters of Butler County
Posted onFAQs about being a Big — Big Brothers Big Sisters of Butler County
The Basics: What it means to be a Big
A Big Brother or Big Sister is a volunteer who develops and nurtures a positive, supportive mentoring relationship with a child who is enrolled in one of our programs. A Big is an older, encouraging friend who helps the child realize their potential. A Big is not a substitute parent, tutor, or babysitter.
The Littles enrolled in our programs are 6 years old and older. Most are between 8 and 14 years old. They are boys and girls with diverse backgrounds and experiences who live in communities throughout Butler County. The majority of Littles face some adversity in their lives, including things like poverty, an incarcerated parent, or some form of abuse in their families. All Littles have amazing potential! Every Little and their family want the child to be a Little — no child is ever forced to be a Little Brother or Little Sister.
Our staff carefully matches Bigs and Littles based on many factors, including location, personalities, interests, and preferences. We want our Bigs and Littles to be compatible and for the relationship to have the best chance of blossoming. Read more below about how we make a match.
A Big Brother or Big Sister spends time with the Little Brother or Little Sister with whom they’ve been matched. In our Community-Based Program, Sports Buddies Program, and Big Futures Program, this means getting together with your Little at least twice a month for a couple of hours at a time. In our Site-Based Program, it means spending time with your Little for 90 minutes once per week at their elementary school. In all types of programs, getting together with your Little and spending time with them means engaging in meaningful conversations in which you are encouraging the Little in pursuit of their goals, and sharing helpful life perspective with your Little. You also engage in activities that are fun and enjoyable for you both.
It’s important to know that some applicants are disqualified from becoming a Big Brother or Big Sister for any of a number of reasons.
These reasons may include criminal history, inability to commit to program requirements or guidelines, or other factors.
Each Big Brother or Big Sister is required to commit to at least one year — hopefully more! When a mentoring relationship lasts for at least one year, it has the most positive impact on the child. On the other hand, when a mentoring relationship lasts only a few months, it can negatively affect the child.
Any type of relationship requires dedication, consistency, and clear communication. It’s no different between Bigs and Littles. With Big Brothers Big Sisters, our staff will check in with you and the child (separately) on a regular basis and provide any needed guidance and support.
There is no cost to you to apply or to go through the screening process to become a Big Brother or Big Sister. Once you are matched with a child, you are expected to engage in free or low-cost activities with your Little. Sometimes Bigs will take their Little out to dinner and pay for their meal, or take their Little to a ticketed event and buy their ticket.
But it is never required or even recommended that a Big buy things for their Little or to spend lots of money on activities. It’s about having a supportive relationship where you encourage the child and help empower their potential; it’s not about buying them things.
Eligibility
Bigs who volunteer in our Community-Based Program must be 18 years old or older. Bigs who volunteer in our Site-Based Program must be in 9th grade or older.
You do not need to have any particular level of education or special skills to be a Big. You just need to be able to form a positive, supportive relationship with a child, and to be able to communicate verbally with the child, their family, and with BBBS program staff.
It depends. Our highest priority is ensuring the safety of the children we serve, which means that there are certain crimes that automatically disqualify someone from serving as a Big. However, we approach each individual on a case-by-case basis.
If you have a criminal history and are interested in being a Big, please contact us and we will discuss your eligibility privately.
All Bigs in our Community-Based Program must have an acceptable driving record and must be able to provide transportation for both themselves and their Little when they meet together. Bigs of driving age who volunteer in our Site-Based Program must be able to arrange transportation for themselves only (not the Little).
Application, Screening and Matching Process
All you need to do is get in touch with our office, which you can do in any of the following ways:
- Complete our online application. (You’ll be asked to enter your zip code in order to get started).
- Call us at 513-867-1227
- Text «BIG» to 513-857-1491
- Email Jessica Huentelman, Engagement Specialist, at [email protected]
In addition to your personal information, you will be asked to provide references.
Our Engagement Specialist will discuss with you the types of references we require. You will also be required to submit to a criminal background check (paid for by BBBS), and your driving record will be reviewed.
After the application steps are completed, we will schedule an interview where you’ll meet face-to-face with one of our Enrollment Specialists. The purpose of this interview is to get to know you better as a person, to better understand your interest in volunteering as a Big, and to collect information about you that will help us to determine the right child to match you with. You will be asked personal questions during the interview, which are designed to elicit the information we need to make the best possible match. We will also require you to complete a training program, part of which is online.
When our Enrollment Team completes your interview and we’ve received all the information we need from your background check, driving record, and references, we will determine a potential match with a Little Brother or Little Sister.
When we think we’ve found a good match, we will share non-identifying information about the child with you, and we’ll also share non-identifying information about you with the child and their family.
After sharing that information, both you and the child and their family are able to approve or reject the potential match. If both you and the child and their family approve of the potential match, the match becomes «official.» Our staff will then set up a «match meeting» where you will get to meet with the child and their family in their home. This meeting is facilitated by a BBBS staff member. At this point, you will be assigned a BBBS Match Support Specialist, who will provide ongoing support to you and to the child.
It depends on many factors. We always want our matches to succeed, which means we will take as much time as is needed in finding the best Big for each Little, and the best Little for each Big. In some cases, Bigs and Littles can be matched as quickly as one month from time of enrollment.
Other times, it takes longer.
We make matches between Bigs and Littles based in part on location, personalities, interests, and cultural backgrounds. For example, we would be more likely to match an energetic, active child with a Big who is also energetic and active; and we would be more likely to match a child who lives in the Hamilton area with a Big who also lives in the Hamilton area. During the interview process, our Enrollment Specialist will ask many questions that will help us to get to know you and to determine the best match. If you indicate preferences for specific characteristics about a child (such as race, religion, or other characteristics), our staff will explore this with you in-depth.
Yes. You are required to communicate directly with the child’s parent/guardian regarding your planned activities with the child — when the activity will occur, what you will be doing, where you will be going, etc. Additionally, you are required to check in with your Match Support Specialist monthly during the first year of your match.
The Match Support Specialists will also contact your Little Brother or Little Sister separately.
About Little Brothers and Little Sisters
Little Brothers and Little Sisters come from communities all across Butler County. They get involved with our program because they, their family, a school official, court personnel, or another professional has identified that having a mentor would be beneficial for the child. Most Littles are self-referred — meaning that they or their family wants them to have a mentor.
Littles can be as young as 6 and as old as 14 when they enroll in our programs. Once a Little is matched with a Big, they can stay matched until the Little turns 18 or graduates from high school, whichever comes last.
There is no such thing as a typical Little. Every child has their own unique personality, characteristics, history, and challenges. Most of our Littles face adversity of some kind in their lives, which is what makes having an adult mentor so important and beneficial.
For example, most Littles live in poverty, and often live in homes where there is one parent, or there is a grandparent or legal guardian caring for them. Many Littles have witnessed or experienced abuse of some kind, and many come from families that have been impacted by addiction. All Littles have tremendous potential are are deserving of the caring, supportive guidance of a Big.
Yes. The Little’s parent or guardian applies to enroll their child in our program, and both the child and their family are interviewed. The child must be able to verbally communicate and to form a healthy relationship with an adult. Throughout the application and interview process, our Enrollment Team obtains a clear picture of the child’s needs, personality, family dynamics, history, and other factors, so that we can find the best possible match for them. The child’s parent or guardian must commit to supporting a match and to communicating regularly with our staff.
Our staff works very hard to set clear guidelines and expectations at the very beginning with Bigs, Littles, and Littles’ families.
It is natural for chidren who have experienced poverty or trauma to want the material things and experiences that they’ve not had or would make them feel good. It’s important that every mentoring relationship has healthy boundaries, which is something our staff will help establish and maintain between you and your Little. You are never meant to be a babysitter or an ATM for your Little or their family. If you feel that your Little or his/her family are manipulating or taking advantage of you, bring it to the attention of your Match Support Specialist.
Positive relationships exist all the time in life between people who come from different walks of life. A Big is not a counselor or therapist. A Big’s role is not to diagnose or fix anything about the child or their life. Spending time together and developing a friendship doesn’t require the Big to have the same life experiences as the Little. In fact, having different experiences can help enrich the relationship for both! Plus, every relationship takes time to develop, which is part of why we require a commitment of at least one year.
Bring any and all concerns to the attention of your Match Support Specialist — it’s their job to assess any concerns and to respond appropriately. Don’t wait until a scheduled check-in with your Match Support Specialist. They are always available to support you.
Being a Big Brother — Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Triangle
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Being a Big BrotherBBBS of the Triangle2021-06-09T17:09:08+00:00
Be a Big Brother—give a Little something back
You have a big opportunity in front of you—to not only impact a child’s life today, but to transform their potential for tomorrow.
Go big. |
We’re always looking for people eager to positively impact a child and improve their community at the same time. And, right now is no different. Big Brothers are in high demand. So, Start Something.
For a few hours, a couple times a month, you can give a Little the invaluable gift of your friendship. By simply changing their perspective of what the world can offer, you can literally start changing their lives. And sometimes it’s as simple as playing video games, going to a museum, or just hanging out together
Why do we need Big Brothers?
More than 70% of our children waiting for a Big are boys, but only 3 out of every 10 inquiries to volunteer come from men. Research shows that having the positive influence of a Big Brother makes a real difference in a boy’s life. So join the hundreds of thousands of volunteers that give a young person someone to look up to. And learn why so many are now saying, “I get back so much more than I give.”
But don’t just take it from us. Check out some Real Life Stories of Bigs & Littles right here. And if you still have questions, head over to our Big Brother FAQs for more answers.
FAQ
Who are the Big Brothers in the program?
Our Big Brothers come from diverse backgrounds just like our Littles.
They are regular people, just like you. You don’t need any special degrees or job skills. You just have to want to positively impact a young person, live or work in Wake, Durham or Orange County and be at least 18 years old. Role models come in all shapes and sizes, and you could be a perfect fit!
When can I see my Little Brother?
As a Big Brother/Little Brother team, you decide together what you want to do and then your Little gets parent approval. We recommend that you keep a consistent schedule of outings and get together on a regular basis. Your local agency will provide more guidance on this. Until your relationship is established the outings will also depend on the comfort level of your Little’s parents, your Little and you.
How much money should I spend?
The quality of time invested with your Little is more important than the amount of money you spend. That’s why we don’t encourage spending a lot of money on your outings.
The goal of the relationship is to help him see the world through a different lens so you can inspire him to become something he never thought possible. If you are going to spend money, we encourage you to seek out low-cost activities, especially in the beginning. Shoot hoops at a local park, play a game together, or share that pizza that you were going to have for lunch anyway. Big Brothers Big Sisters agencies offer donor-supported group activities that are a great way to meet other Bigs and Littles. As a Big Brother, you may also receive notices for free tickets to cultural and sports activities for you both to enjoy.
What are some good ideas for outings with my Little Brother?
Share an activity that gives you something in common to talk about. Buy a comic book to read together. Play a board game. Hit a bucket of golf balls at the local driving range. Take a ride in the car with the radio on and talk about the music you like. You want to select activities that give each of you a chance to learn more about one another.
For children, playing can be learning. Most important: keep it simple and enjoy yourselves!
Can I bring my spouse, a friend or family member on outings?
In the beginning it’s important for you and your Little Brother to get to know each other. This can happen best on a one-to-one basis. However, over time it’s also valuable for your Little to get to know the people who are important to you. Just keep in mind that if you’re spending lots of time with others, your Little may begin to feel jealous or neglected. The main focus is the friendship you develop with your Little and the impact you have on his life.
What kind of support can I expect from Big Brothers Big Sisters once I get matched?
Once you are matched with your Little Brother, a Match Support Specialist from the agency will be in regular contact with you to provide assistance and give feedback. Any time you are unsure about what to do or how to handle a situation, you will have a Match Support Specialist there to help.
They’ll help you with ideas for activities, guidance for handling possible difficult situations, and feedback on how you are making a difference.
Does BBBST accept LGBTQ volunteers?
At Big Brothers Big Sisters, we are working hard to offer knowledge, encourage acceptance and defend potential. Celebration and inclusion are our top priorities, and we strive to be part of the solution in welcoming Bigs and Littles from all walks of life. Together, we can ignite the power and promise of youth.
Will I become a replacement parent?
No, Littles have a parent or guardian in their life already. What they need is a Big to spend quality, one-on-one time with them. Someone to have fun with, someone they can confide in, someone like you!
How do I sign-up to become a Big Brother?
Complete the complete the online application and fax to (919) 850-9774.
Click the link below for the application
Download and fill out our Volunteer Application
*A $25 application processing fee is due at the time of submission.
You may pay by check made out to BBBST or click on the link below.
After you complete your application, a Big Brothers Big Sisters staff member will contact you shortly to discuss the next steps in the enrollment process.
For more information
Contact Us
Ready to step up and be a Big?
60 Big Brother Quotes About this Important Man in Your Life
Siblings are a special gift, and big brothers are even more so, at least according to these big brother quotes.
I am the oldest of six, so I fully understand the complex relationship that makes up the sibling bond, but unfortunately no older brother for me!
I have two brothers but only my two youngest siblings (the baby brother and my youngest sister) get the joy of an older brother.
I am sure they would gladly post some of these quotes on their Instagram photos!
What is it like having an older brother?
I can only imagine it is like being the oldest sister but in reverse!
If you are female, then your older brother and his friends were role models for what men and boys are like.
Big brothers are also great at teaching their siblings how to be tough.
If you had a great big brother, he was probably pretty protective of you too!
These big brother quotes are full of quotes from famous people about how having a big brother impacted their lives.
Don’t forget to also check out these brother quotes to celebrate the first men in your life.
Big brother quotes for Instagram
1. “Big pain with a big heart. That’s my big brother.” — Unknown
2. “I wouldn’t let my big brother do anything stupid… alone.” — Unknown
3. “Looking out for yours truly ever since I was born, love you, big bro!” — Unknown
4. “My protector and my nemesis all rolled into one: my big brother.” — Unknown
5. “I always looked up to my big brother, and I still do.” — Unknown
6. “Big brother’s always watching.” — Unknown
7. “Couldn’t imagine life without my big bro.
” — Unknown
8. “I lost count of all the noogies he gave me, but I still love my big brother.” — Unknown
9. “No one picked me on me, except for you. Love you, big bro!” — Unknown
10. “My big brother’s not perfect (obviously, because my parents had me after), but I still love him.” — Unknown
Funny big brother quotes
11. “What strange creatures brothers are!” — Jane Austen
12. “Half the time when brothers wrestle, it’s just an excuse to hug each other.” — James Patterson
13. “When you deal with your brother, be pleasant, but get a witness.” — Hesiod
14. “You were first a bother, then a brother, and now a friend.” — Unknown
15. “My mother was nuts. My father was boring. My older brother was funny.” — Penny Marshall
16. “Oh, brothers! I don’t care for brothers. My older brother won’t die, and my younger brothers seem never to do anything else.
” — Oscar Wilde
17. “The younger brother must help to pay for the pleasures of the elder.” — Jane Austen
18. “I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance – waiting for the bathroom.” — Bob Hope
19. “The best thing about having four big brothers is you always have someone to do something for you.” — Chloe Moretz
20. “After a girl is grown, her little brothers—now her protectors—seem like big brothers.” — Terri Guillemets
Big brother quotes from those in the entertainment industry
21. “I’m a big brother, I’m the first of four.” — Omarion
22. “My biggest influence is my big brother.” — Anthony Ramos
23. “My big brother still thinks he’s a better singer than me.” — Rod Stewart
24. “So, my big brother was playing guitar and I figured I’d try it too.” — Stevie Ray Vaughan
25.
“My big brother listened to classic rock, and I grew up listening to a classic rock station called KSHE.” — Louise Post
26. “Paul was just the most real guy ever. The best big brother, the best son, and the best father. The best everything.” — Cody Walker
27. “Daniel, my big brother, is eight years older. I’m lucky he didn’t mind hanging out with his little sister and my younger brother.” — Samantha Stosur
28. “At first, I had such stage fright, and it was always comforting to look over and see my big brother.” — Sasha Spielberg
29. “I had a big brother, so I always wanted him to hang out with me, but he wouldn’t. So I always did sports and I always really liked it, but I just was never good at it.” — Lindsey Morgan
30. “I don’t look at negative comments because my parents and family don’t let me. My big sister controls my Instagram, and my big brother controls my Twitter.
I also don’t really Google myself or anything like that.” — Millie Bobby Brown
31. “I always thought my big brother was the coolest. We were very close when I was young, and we still are in many ways! He was a very open-minded, urban guy with an outdoorsy edge. He is mostly responsible for exposing me to art and culture.” — Rekha Sharma
32. “I have a big brother who would make dolls’ houses and playhouses and furniture out of wood. He was the one who taught me from such a young age that you could just make something. The physical act of gluing something together was really formative for me.” — Miranda July
Big brother quotes from famous people
33. “Having a big brother who taught me protections and blitz recognition has helped out a lot.” — Derek Carr
34. “My first steps in football came thanks to my big brother who taught me the game.” — Paulinho
35. “A little sister looks up to her big brother all through her life.
” — Catherine Pulsifer
36. “Thank you for always being there, for always being the one person I could talk with. You are the most amazing big brother a person could have.” — Kate Summers
37. “Dear big brother, you may be part of my family, but I will always consider you a friend.” — Catherine Pulsifer
38. “You’ll move from big brother to the adult world faster by cooking food for your younger siblings while your peers are playing video games.” — Alphonso Davies
39. “In my executive advising role, my persona, which seems to work very well with both women and men, is being ‘the big brother you always wanted.’ I am fortunate to have two such big brothers, so this isn’t just a theoretical construct.” — Mark Goulston
Big brother quotes from literature, written works, and song lyrics
40. “Lost my big brother to that block who’d knew he’d be a victim.” — True Scorpio, Reminiscing
41.
“Don’t be a slob. Get it together like your big brother.” — George Thorogood, Get a Haircut
42. “I wrote a song for your big brother, and I’m gonna write a song for you.” — Loudon Wainwright III, Pretty Little Martha
43. “Hey big brother, as soon as you arrive you better get in touch with the people, big brother.” — Rare Earth, Hey Big Brother
44. “So don’t call me out to the playground, downtown, where I strut my sound. Big brother’s gonna watch me….” — Liquid Gang, Breakdown
45. “But I promise you this,” he says, “no matter what happens, it’s gonna be okay. Your almighty, all-knowing big brother will make sure of that.” ― Angie Thomas, The Hate U Give
46. “‘I remember.’ I smile. ‘He was the quintessential big brother. But that’s just it—he’s not here to protect me anymore, Anna.
’” ― Sarah Ockler, Twenty Boy Summer
47. “So let’s not let another day sail by without sayin’ hi to each other ’cause I will never get another big brother.” — Christian Chamberlin, My Big Brother
48. “My big brother, he’s always been, my friend. My big brother, he’s got my back down to the end.” — Retina Jay, My Big Brother
49. “I’m broken now, ain’t believe in this shit. I’ll trade anything just to see big brother get up.” — Meek Mill, 8 Figures
50. “I just talk to my big brother. He told me to get the racks. All my dogs really wolves cause we coming as a pack.” — Only1jack$on, BBT
Big Brother Quotes For Brotherly Love
51. “Big Brother’s busy holding your attention every moment you’re awake. He’s making sure you’re always distracted. He’s making sure you’re fully absorbed.
” ― Chuck Palahniuk
52. “Big Brother is watching you.” ― George Orwell
53. “Without my big brother, I probably literally wouldn’t be here.” ― Mikey Way
54. ”I didn’t know Jewish guys wore Ninja outfits when they pray. That’s the good thing about being on Big Brother, you know, I can learn about different cultures and how they work.” — Lane
55. “I’m happy if everybody else is. I’m a big brother, the oldest. If you’re happy and I’m not, I’m cool with that. If I’m happy and you’re not, I’m sad.” ― Chris Rock
56. “You know, I think everything I do cinematically for the rest of my life will probably have some direct route back to Jonathan. But I love him to death. He’s like my best friend and my big brother.” ― Ted Demme
57. “That’s the function of big brothers… to help their little sisters when their worlds are collapsing.” ― Susan Beth Pfeffer
58.
“I’d clash with my dad over other things, you know, like difference of opinion and me getting testosterone, you know what I’m saying? Me feeling like I’m a little tough, being a teenager. But my big brother would come in drunk and really, really try my dad and I didn’t want to do that.” ― Ryan Montgomery
59. “There is no love like the love for a brother. There is no love like the love from a brother.” ― Astrid Alauda
60. “The beauty of genuine brotherhood and peace is more precious than diamonds or silver or gold.” ― Martin Luther King Jr
Big brothers are the best
Having or being a big brother isn’t just something famous people talk about.
Many of these big brother quotes came from songs, books, or stories.
Each one of them almost made me sad I didn’t get to have a big brother (although I do enjoy being everyone’s big sister).
Hopefully, if you have a big brother, he was someone who inspired and motivated you to be better.
Maybe he was the person who introduced you to sports or the great outdoors and you have lots of wonderful memories.
Your big brother should always have your back, as any older sibling would.
We like to look out for our younger lifelong companions, after all.
Even if we do constantly sound like we know so much more just because of the order of our birth!
Sure, older siblings can be annoying, but it all comes from a place of love.
My sister likes to tell me I am like a mama duck with her gaggle of ducklings.
There are 16 years between my youngest sibling and me, and I forget sometimes that I am not their mother.
What’s your biggest takeaway from these big brother quotes and sayings?
Share some of your fondest memories of you and your big brother with us in the comment section below.
September 22, 2022 7:00 AM EST
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home » Psychology and development » Is it good to be an older brother? Search in subsections and categories: It would seem nothing special: someone has a brother or sister, someone has several of them, someone grows up as an only child in the family. It is generally accepted that older children are more responsible and organized, because they have to look after the younger ones and help their parents around the house from childhood, and younger children are often more infantile, spoiled and sociable. If the age difference between children is small, then the younger ones can be ahead of their peers in development, because they have an example to follow, and they often study on an equal footing with the older ones, listen to the same fairy tales, play the same games. This is what lies on the surface. How will the “elder brother” grow up? The eldest child in the family, as a rule, is distinguished by responsibility and conscientiousness, he wants to achieve a lot. The elder brother is the successor of family traditions, inherits the professions of parents more often than other children, often becomes a leader. The older boy gets a lot of attention, but a lot is expected of him. And often he lives up to these expectations. The older brother is able to work hard, tries to be good, the best in what he does. Due to the fact that he has to be an assistant to his parents since childhood, he learns to achieve goals on his own, take responsibility for others, stand firmly on his feet and rely on his own strength. More than half of American presidents have been older children. Being a senior is hardBut being a senior is hard. This shows the experience of many, many people. What problems and experiences can a boy have, who suddenly turned out to be an older brother? What should parents take into account? Usually, due to the increased demands and expectations of parents, with the automatic receipt of the status of «mother’s helper», who must be a good boy and set an example, the older child becomes more serious and less likely to play with peers, he is attracted to communication with adults and older people. An older brother may have more difficulty making new contacts, making friends, and socializing than younger children. Responsibility beyond age can poison all childhood memories. The fear of not justifying trust causes an overly critical and demanding attitude towards oneself, provokes constant tension and denial of criticism addressed to oneself. The «complex of an excellent student», when a child strives always and in everything to be evaluated as highly as possible, tries to fulfill each assignment given to him as well as possible at any cost, is more characteristic of older children. Undoubtedly, the sex of subsequent children in the family is also important. If the born child is a girl, then competition and negative attitudes are not as strong as in the case of the birth of a brother. The younger brother is perceived as a rival, common interests and needs only exacerbate the confrontation. Further development of events and the formation of relationships depends on how correctly the parents behave. An older brother should also enjoy life, not be chained to a baby stroller, have the opportunity to play, read, be alone. It is very important to give him special attention to create psychological comfort and mitigate the manifestations of jealousy and intolerance towards the younger. It can be at least one evening a week when the older boy spends time with his father, goes to the theater with his mother, or just walks with his parents and shares important events in his life. You may also be curious about the probabilistic forecast of what character traits the boy will have if he is the elder brother of sisters or brothers. If the boy has both brothers and sisters, then these traits can be combined. Older than brothers There are suggestions that the elder brother of the brothers can be a boss, a politician, an astronaut and generally hold any responsible leadership position, up to the presidential one (both in the company and the country). He likes to be the first in everything, strives for excellence and leadership, can become a successful, but rather reserved person. Older sistersIt is believed that it will be easier to communicate with the older brother of sisters, he gets along better with women, he is helpful and attentive, a leader, but not authoritarian, but quite flexible and able to compromise. How accurate this forecast is for you to judge. Our task is to show the difficulties and advantages that, from the point of view of psychology, the eldest boy in the family can have. Whether this is relevant for your family, whether you need to pay attention to certain features of the formation of the child’s personality, or whether everything is fine with you is up to you. Having a sister or brother is the dream of many «single» children. Children brought up in a kind and wise atmosphere will be a reliable support for each other.
Natalya Komoltseva, teacher
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The elder brother is the first child, and parents often strive to give their firstborn as much as possible: they take them to developmental classes from the cradle, harden and read from infancy, devote a lot of time to him, his every action, skill, word is recorded in the “development diary”. At the same time, parents do not yet have experience, so the elder gets not only the zeal and care, but also the mistakes of the parents. 
Boris Yeltsin, Winston Churchill, Newton, Hitler — each of them is also the elder brother in the family. 
It happens that the scariest gets less attention after the birth of the baby, and even dads sometimes wake up with a paternal feeling only at the birth of their youngest child. 
Ideally, if he marries a woman who was the younger sister of brothers who were significant and authoritative for her. This will be extremely beneficial to the relationship. How to be an older brother that you want to look up to
Being an older brother is cool, at least because you don’t have to wear clothes for someone.
But the main bonus is that there is an opportunity to become an idol for your brother or sister. And what could be better when the younger ones proudly say about you: “This is my brother!”? But being an example is not easy, and your behavior can backfire. It’s time to live up to expectations and learn how to become Qui-Gon Jin for your Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Recognize responsibility
Congratulations, you got the role of the older brother in the family, and this means not only the ability to select the prefix at will. The elders in families have a great social responsibility to the younger generation. Every action and word will be regarded as a specific behavior model that should be followed. Why? Yes, because the younger generation always reaches out to the older one and equals it.
Having a flabby body is unlikely to be able to explain the importance of playing sports, scoring on training does not convey the importance of education. The baby is more likely to mirror the behavior and mannerisms of the older member of the family, so consider every word and every action, especially in relation to parents.
If it so happened that there is no father in the family, then the role of a mentor in this case becomes paramount, and with a greater probability any act will be regarded as a guide to action. Therefore, it is especially important to present yourself as a real man, whom you want to rely on and who you want to be like.
If you have a brother
It so happened that not only the father becomes a role model in life, but also the elder brother. Therefore, your every gesture, every word or hobby can be regarded as a model for behavior. Being a heavy smoker, it is worth protecting your younger brother from such a sight. One of the most common reasons why children start smoking is the example of the older generation. The phrase: “My brother looked damn cool with a cigarette in his hands” is one of the reasons teenage smoking. The situation is similar with alcohol: you should not show up home, barely on your feet. Be a hero to him, not a stinking wino. The boy’s attitude towards girls will be formed not only from personal preferences, but thanks to your example, so the image of his future girlfriend will partly have to be formed by you.
If you have a sister
Here the situation is even more complicated, because often the ideal of a future boyfriend is created in the image and likeness of his father and older brother. So, if you do not want to see some gouging on the threshold of the house, standing arm in arm with your sister, then set a worthy example of a man.
In addition, the responsibility for the time being to look after the maiden honor of your younger sister falls on your shoulders. Explain in a timely manner what is good and what is not, so that by the age of 15 there will be no child in her arms. Do not be shy to talk about the most unpleasant and slippery topics, because the opinion of an older man, and also a brother, will have a huge weight and will have an impact on views on intimate life and hobbies, will form an attitude towards alcohol and smoking.
Do not ignore the personality
Regardless of the opinions and judgments of the «wise» firstborn, younger brothers and sisters will have their own views on life and hobbies.
A youngster does not have to listen to the same music as you, like similar TV shows and wear similar clothes. This must be reckoned with, although it can be insulting about music. It is impossible to criticize creative undertakings, hobbies, other views on life, of course, if they are not destructive for the individual. It is necessary to show sensitivity, to direct, but not to choose for another person which way of life to choose. After all, it is important to be not only an older brother, but also a friend and mentor.
Spend more time together
Nothing strengthens relationships like spending time together. Going to the cinema, playing sports or going out with friends are of great importance for the little ones. Thus, maximum unity is achieved, common views and interests are formed. One has only to spend the evening over a cup of tea and talk heart to heart, and the relationship will immediately change in a warmer direction. When the younger ones see interest from the elders, respect and love on their part increase many times over.
No violence
It is impossible to build normal relationships if their foundation is violence. Raising your hand in an argument is unacceptable and reflects the failure and weakness of the individual. All conflict situations should be resolved exclusively at the verbal level. Having hit a brother or even a sister, it will be almost impossible to return the former authority, and the status of such an older brother in their eyes will fall to the level of a neighbor’s cat. But at least they pet him.
Praise and support
Undertakings that help the development of personality cannot be left without attention, so if a younger brother or sister has found a new hobby, then they must be supported. Support, don’t destroy talent. Who knows, perhaps the boy is destined to become a great actor, and at the Oscars you will be mentioned in a speech of thanks?
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Family
How to be a good older brother or sister? Teaching teenagers
All older siblings dream of being the best for their younger ones. However, there is no one to teach them this. Therefore, it turns out that the older ones constantly hurt the younger ones. They insult them, tease them. And only occasionally support.
We will tell you how to teach an older child to be the best for a younger one. Consider what actions a teenager needs to take to do this. And what recommendations to follow in the future.
Tell the teenager to listen to the youngest
Listening is very important for the oldest child in the family. If it is present, then the younger will gladly share his problems with a loved one. And also experiences that he cannot tell his parents about.
Tell the older child to just ask leading questions to the younger one. And waited for what he would say in response. To be interested in the life of a younger child, at the same time, you need to regularly. An older brother/sister needs to be asked literally every day how he is doing. This will have a positive effect on the younger. Make the elder the best brother/sister in the universe.
Advise the teenager to try to solve the conflict with a younger brother or sister in an adult way
Younger and older brothers / sisters are the clearest example of generational conflict. Most of the time, they don’t fight because they hate each other. But because, due to their age, they want to annoy each other.
That is why conflicts often arise between brothers and sisters. Moreover, they happen literally out of the blue.
Instead, the older child needs to be smarter. Try to smooth corners. And be resilient to stress. Trying to reduce the conflict to «no» even when the youngest child specifically gets on your nerves.
If the senior will not be led to provocations and will resolve conflicts peacefully, the junior will soon change tactics. He will no longer try to piss off the elder. Because he will see that he will not succeed. Accordingly, the lesson for him will be useless.
The older child should support the younger one when he is having a hard time or if there is a failure in his life. For the reason that only through this it is possible to restore morale. And do not lose enthusiasm on the way to the goal.
Tell the older child to support the younger one in everything. Even in those endeavors to which he is skeptical. It is better to support the younger and see what happens next than to scold. The latter will only lead to the fact that he will be offended for a very long time.
Tell the teen never try to shame the younger one if they don’t succeed. Explain that this is not the way families do it. Say that the younger one will feel bad anyway because of the failure. And bashful comments from the outside can even lead to a deterioration in his self-esteem.
Encourage the older child to respect the boundaries of the younger one, and to allow him to be independent
Personal boundaries are very important for every person. Recommend the elder not to violate the personal space of the younger child in any case. In particular, do not read his correspondence. Do not control who he communicates with. Who does he like at school? And so on.
Many older brothers like to overprotect their sisters. This often happens during adolescence. They start reading correspondence, trying to find out who their sister likes, and so on. As a result, the situation ends badly. The sister is offended. Closes in on itself. He feels his rights are infringed. And he stops talking to his brother. Instead of stopping communicating with a representative of the opposite sex, he begins to behave very secretively. So that the brother would no longer find out with whom she communicates from representatives of the opposite sex.
Encourage the teen to only give advice to a younger child if they ask for it
We always feel like we can help the other person with advice. This is partly true. However, advice is not always recommended. But only when asked for it.
Advise the older child to give advice to the younger only in the most extreme cases. Then, when he asks for it. At the same time, advice should not be given in general terms. And based on my own experience. To make them as effective and useful as possible for the youngest child.
Encourage a teenager to help a younger one with homework and some household chores
Help from an older sibling is very important for a younger one. Explain to the teenager that with the help of her, he will be able to get closer to his blood relative. And in the future he will be able to count on equivalent assistance from him.
For example, a teenager can help his younger brother to make a school report. Explain a difficult topic to him. Or even make a full presentation. And so on.
Help can be any. The main thing is that the older brother / sister should give it to the younger one. And so that the latter understands: he has someone to rely on at a difficult moment.
The older brother/sister should support the interests of the younger one and come to his performances
If the younger brother/sister is engaged in creativity or sports, then the older one should support him in this. In particular, go to the competitions in which he performs. As well as various theatrical performances, dances and other types of events.
Family support at competitions will be very important for the youngest. Especially if his older brother / sister comes there. In this case, an adult child will receive everything necessary for success. And love the elder even more.
If the younger brother/sister got into a conflict, then the older one should take his side
Regardless of who is to blame for the conflict, the older brother/sister should take the side of the younger one. Intercede for him. And only then, at home, decide who is right and who is wrong. In which case, he can even punish the younger brother / sister if he was wrong. However, this should be done after the final resolution of the conflict.
If a younger sibling quarrels with the parents, the older child may intervene. Say that he will mediate in the negotiations. And help resolve the conflict peacefully. With minimal consequences for the younger brother. This will be the best senior-junior relationship.
Recommend the older one to motivate the younger one
The older brother/sister should motivate the younger one to perform certain actions. In particular, an adult child should recognize the talents of a younger one in time. And point them in the right direction. Doing this is very important. To make the younger brother feel supported. And he began to do what really inspires him. It lifts his spirits. And is what he can succeed in.
Tell the teenager to study well and set an example for his younger brother
Explain to the older child that the younger one will imitate him in everything. If he behaves badly, then the brother / sister will do the same. If the elder studies well, achieves success in sports and shows positive qualities, then this will have the desired effect. The younger will be able to adopt a pattern of behavior. And will strive to be the best in everything.
Tell a teenager to be good
Tell a teenager to keep his social life in order. It is important that he does not smoke. Did not drink alcoholic beverages. Did not communicate with criminal elements. And also not in bad company.
The older child must remember that he is an idol for the younger one. If he allows himself bad habits, then the smallest member of the family will also behave accordingly. And it will be very difficult to discourage him from consuming certain substances.
Conclusion
Being an older brother/sister is a big responsibility. It is very important to convey this moment to a teenager. So that he understands: the further development of his brother / sister depends on him. As well as many other aspects of his life.
That being said, explain that being an older brother is not as difficult as it seems. It is enough just to follow a number of simple rules.
